1. Post #81
    Gold Member
    Lordgeorge16's Avatar
    May 2010
    9,258 Posts
    Reading this handbook makes me think Valve is more than a company. It's one big family, always working together and poking fun at each other and having a general good time. It's always willing to accept new members and treat them fairly just like everyone else, and that's why Valve will always be the best game company in my eyes.
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  2. Post #82
    Gold Member
    markg06's Avatar
    September 2006
    11,041 Posts
    I used to seek attention like that, shame I stopped being 10.
    I didn't realise that having an opinion is attention seeking, now maybe if I went "OH MAN VALVE'S SO FUCKING SHIT I'D RATHER WORK AT INFINITY WARD MAN THEY MAKE COD AKA BEST GAME EVER GOTY ALL YEARS FUCK VALVE I HOPE THEY GO OUT OF BUISNESS" I could see you having some kind of a point.
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  3. Post #83
    KabsIsBack's Avatar
    August 2011
    461 Posts
    I didn't realise that having an opinion is attention seeking, now maybe if I went "OH MAN VALVE'S SO FUCKING SHIT I'D RATHER WORK AT INFINITY WARD MAN THEY MAKE COD AKA BEST GAME EVER GOTY ALL YEARS FUCK VALVE I HOPE THEY GO OUT OF BUISNESS" I could see you having some kind of a point.
    Check back at the post, I did that as a filler at first.

  4. Post #84
    Maestro
    PelPix123's Avatar
    August 2006
    2,252 Posts
    You know you're slightly different from other people when you're more excited over the structuring than the week-long company vacation.
    You know you're the type of person Valve wants to hire.
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  5. Post #85
    Frostypunch's Avatar
    March 2011
    621 Posts
    The Glossary is amazing. Fishbowl—The conference room by the lunchroom. The one with a big glass wall. Don’t let the name throw you—we don’t actually use it as a fishbowl! Except, of course, on Fishbowl Fridays, where we fill it up with ten thousand gallons of putrid saltwater so that all the manta rays and sharks will have something to breathe while they fight to the death. You won’t see it in your list of benefits, not because it isn’t fun, but because it is illegal. Parking Garage Elevators—Autonomous hostage-taking devices with a will of their own. Beware.
    Looks like I'm gonna try and become valves concept artist...........or fail and become the artist for a My Little Pony:modern warfare game
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  6. Post #86
    LtKyle2's Avatar
    March 2011
    4,273 Posts
    My life goal is to work at Valve.
    Mine too, except I don't have any talent with anything game development-wise.
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  7. Post #87
    Hierarchy is great for maintaining predictability and
    repeatability. It simplifies planning and makes it easier to
    control a large group of people from the top down, which
    is why military organizations rely on it so heavily.
    But when youre an entertainment company thats spent
    the last decade going out of its way to recruit the most
    intelligent, innovative, talented people on Earth, telling
    them to sit at a desk and do what theyre told obliterates
    99 percent of their value. We want innovators, and that
    means maintaining an environment where theyll flourish.
    Thats why Valve is flat. Its our shorthand way of saying
    that we dont have any management, and nobody reports
    to anybody else. We do have a founder/president, but
    even he isnt your manager. This company is yours to
    steertoward opportunities and away from risks. You have
    the power to green-light projects. You have the power to
    ship products.
    Neat.
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  8. Post #88
    Ask about my EBOLA fetish
    GameDev's Avatar
    February 2010
    12,432 Posts
    Looks like I'm gonna try and become valves concept artist...........or fail and become the artist for a My Little Pony:modern warfare game
    Since Valve is looking for multiple skills I'm going for programming and level design. Maybe modeling.

  9. Post #89
    I didn't realise that having an opinion is attention seeking, now maybe if I went "OH MAN VALVE'S SO FUCKING SHIT I'D RATHER WORK AT INFINITY WARD MAN THEY MAKE COD AKA BEST GAME EVER GOTY ALL YEARS FUCK VALVE I HOPE THEY GO OUT OF BUISNESS" I could see you having some kind of a point.
    Your opinion is blatantly wrong and stupid.

    Edited:

    Fuck you auto merge.
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  10. Post #90
    D0C H.'s Avatar
    August 2009
    4,582 Posts
    Gordan's diaper colors.
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  11. Post #91
    I like cheese...
    lionheart1066's Avatar
    July 2009
    1,995 Posts
    Welp, I showed this to my father, he said it was stupid.
    He's utterly against the idea of me wanting to work for Valve, he's tried so many times to talk me out of it.
    He even thinks Seattle is in Canada...
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  12. Post #92
    Welp, I showed this to my father, he said it was stupid.
    He's utterly against the idea of me wanting to work for Valve, he's tried so many times to talk me out of it.
    He even thinks Seattle is in Canada...
    Umm, I am kinda confused here. He's against you thinking about something?
    Does he even know what Valve is? Does he instead want you to become a doctor?
    Even more, unless you actually have chances of working there, why tell him? By chances I mean you already got a reply and are ready to start any time.
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  13. Post #93
    RedCzar's Avatar
    December 2009
    166 Posts
    Gaben needs to write a book on business management.
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  14. Post #94
    nagachief's Avatar
    June 2007
    406 Posts
    I've been catching myself reading this handbook in Cave Johnson's voice in some parts. :P
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  15. Post #95
    Dennab
    February 2012
    2,299 Posts
    Welp, I showed this to my father, he said it was stupid.
    He's utterly against the idea of me wanting to work for Valve, he's tried so many times to talk me out of it.
    He even thinks Seattle is in Canada...
    Obviously you should be doing a boring job that you would hate while being surrounded by asshole co-workers..
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  16. Post #96
    KabsIsBack's Avatar
    August 2011
    461 Posts
    Welp, I showed this to my father, he said it was stupid.
    He's utterly against the idea of me wanting to work for Valve, he's tried so many times to talk me out of it.
    He even thinks Seattle is in Canada...
    Your dad's a class A asshole if he's against something like that. Don't even bother listening to him, if you want to work there (at any point, for real) fuck him and apply.
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  17. Post #97
    I like cheese...
    lionheart1066's Avatar
    July 2009
    1,995 Posts
    Umm, I am kinda confused here. He's against you thinking about something?
    Does he even know what Valve is? Does he instead want you to become a doctor?
    Even more, unless you actually have chances of working there, why tell him? By chances I mean you already got a reply and are ready to start any time.
    He keeps bringing up arguements like, why would Valve hire you if they could find someone with similar skills in their own country or like why would the US border control allow me into the country if someone with similar skills lived in there already.

    Yeah...
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  18. Post #98
    Gold Member
    Upgrade123's Avatar
    January 2008
    5,478 Posts
    Being a sounds designer/composer for Valve would be kick ass.
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  19. Post #99
    own-fucking-zone
    Within's Avatar
    April 2009
    4,016 Posts
    We are all still trying to figure out exactly what it is that Chet does at Valve, but at the very least he occupies office space on the 11th floor as self-proclaimed Mr. Awesome.
    From http://www.valvesoftware.com/company/people.html
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  20. Post #100
    Ask about my EBOLA fetish
    GameDev's Avatar
    February 2010
    12,432 Posts
    He keeps bringing up arguements like, why would Valve hire you if they could find someone with similar skills in their own country or like why would the US border control allow me into the country if someone with similar skills lived in there already.

    Yeah...
    Tell your dad he's a fucking class A moron for not knowing that Seattle is in America.
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  21. Post #101
    Gold Member
    TamTamJam's Avatar
    December 2008
    5,290 Posts
    This whole thing reminds me of something Cave Johnson would write.
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  22. Post #102
    I'M A SHAAARK!
    Lambeth's Avatar
    October 2009
    14,832 Posts
    The thing that's so lovely about valve is that, despite their lovely, friendly, nigh-on-huggable approach to their employees and their fanbase, all of this stuff actually works

    At the end of the day, their loose and friendly atmosphere frequently outperforms rigid and totalitarian companies like Activision and EA in terms of the quality of games they produce (and, I expect, financially too)
    Steam probably helps
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  23. Post #103
    I like cheese...
    lionheart1066's Avatar
    July 2009
    1,995 Posts
    Tell your dad he's a fucking class A moron for not knowing that Seattle is in America.
    He also believes that Washington state is Washington DC. But yeah I wish I could do that, he's more physically stronger than I am. Plus it isn't wise when he's tried to throw me out the house before.
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  24. Post #104
    KabsIsBack's Avatar
    August 2011
    461 Posts
    He also believes that Washington state is Washington DC. But yeah I wish I could do that, he's more physically stronger than I am. Plus it isn't wise when he's tried to throw me out the house before.
    Move out.

    Your dad is crazy, you can't correct him on a state being in America "because he's more physically stronger than I am."?

    If you even have that thought, you shouldn't even live with him.
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  25. Post #105
    TheLolrus's Avatar
    June 2008
    3,553 Posts
    This is the best employee handbook ever.
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  26. Post #106
    Gold Member
    Géza!'s Avatar
    January 2008
    6,116 Posts
    This whole thing reminds me of something Cave Johnson would write.
    I think there's a reason why Valve came up with Cave Johnson.
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  27. Post #107
    Gold Member
    smurfy's Avatar
    October 2007
    22,039 Posts
    He keeps bringing up arguements like, why would Valve hire you if they could find someone with similar skills in their own country or like why would the US border control allow me into the country if someone with similar skills lived in there already.

    Yeah...
    If you read the timeline in this handbook, it says this year US immigration approved their 44th international employee

    That means about 15% of their employees have been brought in from other countries, I believe Valve also helps you find a home and everything
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  28. Post #108
    Diag 3 explains everything.That's a magical circle and Valve or at least Gabe has sold his soul to the devil.

    Edited:

    If you read the timeline in this handbook, it says this year US immigration approved their 44th international employee

    That means about 15% of their employees have been brought in from other countries, I believe Valve also helps you find a home and everything
    Yes they do, I've read or heard in an interview that if they hire someone from abroad they will help you with your visas, your housing and might even tour you around the city if you're very foreign.
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  29. Post #109
    I like cheese...
    lionheart1066's Avatar
    July 2009
    1,995 Posts
    Move out.

    Your dad is crazy, you can't correct him on a state being in America "because he's more physically stronger than I am."?

    If you even have that thought, you shouldn't even live with him.
    But then were would I go? I have no one that I know in this city to call as a friend because I never got on well with anyone back in school. I also attend college and can't get work either.

    My father in general is a nice person, does walks for Help for Heroes and similar charities that support Ex-British soldiers that came home with injuries but its just when the topic of Valve comes into mind or just American in general he gets hostile towards me.

    Edited:

    If you read the timeline in this handbook, it says this year US immigration approved their 44th international employee

    That means about 15% of their employees have been brought in from other countries, I believe Valve also helps you find a home and everything
    Yeah I did read it and on the previous verisons of the job page at Valves website it did mention about a relocation package.

  30. Post #110
    Gold Member
    JustExtreme's Avatar
    April 2007
    7,154 Posts
    Indeed, it's kinda like a voluntaryist anarchist community

  31. Post #111
    Gold Member
    Upgrade123's Avatar
    January 2008
    5,478 Posts
    Tell your dad he's a fucking class A moron for not knowing that Seattle is in America.
    But Valve is in Bellevue.
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  32. Post #112
    Ask about my EBOLA fetish
    GameDev's Avatar
    February 2010
    12,432 Posts
    But Valve is in Bellevue.
    You didn't read. He said his dad thought Seattle was in Canada.
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  33. Post #113
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  34. Post #114
    just-a-boy's Avatar
    April 2007
    1,242 Posts
    Indeed, it's kinda like a voluntaryist anarchist community
    Kind of the type of system the world at large could use. People evaluating the situation from their own perspective and helping out voluntarily where they feel it's needed. The fact that such a system has brought Valve such success gives me hope.

    But Human greed...

  35. Post #115
    Ryuken's Avatar
    July 2010
    2,529 Posts
    Wow even between themselves they are awesome, this thing is great, and also

    D'aww. They really make their employees feel welcomed.
    omg i want to work in there please

  36. Post #116
    I wanna get this printed, it's an interesting read and someone should show it to their economy teacher at school imo

  37. Post #117
    Gold Member
    Dennab
    August 2005
    12,791 Posts
    I can't help feeling like they are too good to be true...

    I mean, we got EA, Activison, Apple as some of the worst companies with the worst policies out there, who butcher other companies and even their own staff along with its customers, and then there is Valve, where everybody enjoys working there, doing awesome stuff to make customers happy (which most of them are, at the very least) that helps other companies by merging with them in certain projects and letting them help on Valve's own projects.

    At this day and age, thats something rare, to the point of being odd, how a company can still be so loved and even escalate that love further.

    What if their employees are only silent of the "real Valve"? What if there is some evil deep within the company that we don't know about?

    It amazes me how Valve can be this good. Their products might even not be "SUPER EVOLVED GRAPHICS GAMEPLAY THINGAMAJIGS" like other companies that try to make the best graphics/multiplayer/singleplayer/sound/whatevergimickyfeature ahead of everything else, yet Valve creates something that is a mix of all those features with very good quality, and still makes a heart warming product that doesn't costs your ass + your ass bones later (if you get what I mean).

    How is it possible for something like Valve to exist nowadays?
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  38. Post #118
    Sounds like a shit place to work judging from the handbook and it's no wonder games take forever to get produced.
    what the fuck crack are you smoking?
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  39. Post #119
    Gold Member
    Rammaster's Avatar
    August 2008
    5,514 Posts
    I can't help feeling like they are too good to be true...

    I mean, we got EA, Activison, Apple as some of the worst companies with the worst policies out there, who butcher other companies and even their own staff along with its customers, and then there is Valve, where everybody enjoys working there, doing awesome stuff to make customers happy (which most of them are, at the very least) that helps other companies by merging with them in certain projects and letting them help on Valve's own projects.

    At this day and age, thats something rare, to the point of being odd, how a company can still be so loved and even escalate that love further.

    What if their employees are only silent of the "real Valve"? What if there is some evil deep within the company that we don't know about?

    It amazes me how Valve can be this good. Their products might even not be "SUPER EVOLVED GRAPHICS GAMEPLAY THINGAMAJIGS" like other companies that try to make the best graphics/multiplayer/singleplayer/sound/whatevergimickyfeature ahead of everything else, yet Valve creates something that is a mix of all those features with very good quality, and still makes a heart warming product that doesn't costs your ass + your ass bones later (if you get what I mean).

    How is it possible for something like Valve to exist nowadays?

    This is actually just a front and employees are slowly being tortured to make more hats.
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  40. Post #120
    The Cold Wind Of France
    Dennab
    November 2008
    18,691 Posts
    snip