[HorizoN]

HorizoN posted:

can i still lurk?

alright, so i can still lurk

[J. Jett]

Herb posted:

It's simply amazing how casual transphobia is.
Unlike with racist comments, where people do that little look around to make sure there's no racial minorities within earshot, people just blab it out without even giving it a second thought.

I'm at my favorite coffee shop, I go there every single day.
The barista working the counter is pretty friendly with me, we usually have little conversations, sometimes we see each other around town and she'll go out of her way just to say hi.
She's talking with a friend about a party, when he says "Bring some friends, and make sure they're REAL girls, I don't want no lady cocks." She laughs and says "Trannies are so gross, eughh."
Meanwhile I'm standing right fucking there, at the counter directly in front of her, shocked like "Did you really just say that?".
I pay for my drink and storm the fuck out of there.

Guess I need to find a new coffee shop.

Sound just like an average school day for me... Homophobic and transphobic comments are very very casual here.

Edited:

The teachers do nothing about this

[Zeldy]

Riodoku posted:

Yeah, those random people can really influence your feelings of confidence. And having them apologize for calling you male is often very satisfying.

I know what you mean. But they all "correct" them selves. :/

I know i don't wear feminine clothing (yet) or anything, but still. Most, if not all, people still see me as male. And I'm too self conscious too correct them.

Edited:

T-Sonar.0 posted:

I typed a note (beause my hand writing sucks) about 3 years ago when I came out to her as gay. I left it by her bed side at night, went to my room and locked the door.

It just seems a little immature to do it like that.

Edited:



Well, it feels immature to do so. And I'd be eventually having to sit face to face with her anyway. The only reason why I came here for Spring Break is because she has appointments set up for me (orthodontist & doctor for blood test (I have a blood condition)) and I'm basically going to be here the entire week.

I'm really just considering not telling her, going back to my apartment, and wait until the weekend to tell her via a text. That way she can call me over the phone to talk and I won't have to be face to face. If she wants to be, she can take a 3 hour drive up to my apartment.

I don't really see it as immature. Its one way of communication, so why not utilize it if you can't bring yourself to actually tell her face to face?

[HorizoN]

J. Jett posted:

Sound just like an average school day for me... Homophobic and transphobic comments are very very casual here.

Edited:

The teachers do nothing about this

it's pretty damn unfortunate.

good thing i know that a few people i came out to are okay with it though c:

though it sucks that it's the norm in both places, there's good people everywhere.

[Zeldy]

Oh god I love you girls so much. <3 Stay strong.

(this message may or may not have been brought to you by effects of alcohol.)

[Chickens!]

You too :D
At you don't somehow manage to slur your typing like SOME PEOPLE!

[slayer20]

Chickens! posted:

You too :D
At you don't somehow manage to slur your typing like SOME PEOPLE!

Oh geeze

[Chickens!]

Oh no, Busted!

[FPKawaii]

J. Jett posted:

Sound just like an average school day for me... Homophobic and transphobic comments are very very casual here.

Edited:

The teachers do nothing about this

I feel lucky, because homosexuals are pretty well accepted here. Trans is completely unheard of here so you'd never hear a negative comment towards it.

[Tattimatonen]

Alright so my therapist thinks I'm not depressed enough to be transgender. It's not like hiding it for 8-9 years has made me pretty much stone cold to all emotions or anything. Also apparently I have to be super girly to be trans?

[aerika]

Tattimatonen posted:

Alright so my therapist thinks I'm not depressed enough to be transgender. It's not like hiding it for 8-9 years has made me pretty much stone cold to all emotions or anything. Also apparently I have to be super girly to be trans?

Why I never bothered with a therapist.

[HorizoN]

you need one here.

doesnt look very promising for me.

[FPKawaii]

Tattimatonen posted:

Alright so my therapist thinks I'm not depressed enough to be transgender. It's not like hiding it for 8-9 years has made me pretty much stone cold to all emotions or anything. Also apparently I have to be super girly to be trans?

Fuck therapists, they think everything has to go exactly by the book and that everyone is the same. Their so full of shit.

[HorizoN]

oh my god. tomorrow is the big day and i'm feeling way sicker than i usually do.

ugh...

[Tattimatonen]

The point is that I would get hormones and apparently that's the only thing stopping me

I have an appointment on wednesday I need to figure something out

[Inufin]

It's not like someone would lie to get hormones... The therapists should be on your side anyway, they can't decide for you what you feel like.

[HorizoN]

lots of people have to lie over in norway because of the way stuff works over there.

[J. Jett]

Tattimatonen posted:

Also apparently I have to be super girly to be trans?

That's bullshit. There are many different girls - super-girly girls, normal girls, butch girls, whatever girls. If butch cis-gender girls exist, so do butch trans-girls. Your therapist is very uneducated and is an idiot.

[HorizoN]

J. Jett posted:

That's bullshit. There are many different girls - super-girly girls, normal girls, butch girls, whatever girls. If butch cis-gender girls exist, so do butch trans-girls. Your therapist is very uneducated and is an idiot.

it's unfortunate but there isn't much they can do about it.

[Triumph Forks]

Tattimatonen posted:

Alright so my therapist thinks I'm not depressed enough to be transgender. It's not like hiding it for 8-9 years has made me pretty much stone cold to all emotions or anything. Also apparently I have to be super girly to be trans?

"be more depressed, you're not trans enough" is what i'm getting out of that

what a crock of shit. There's no right way to be a woman, a man, a transperson. Telling a client they aren't depressed enough is probably the last thing you should do as a therapist as well

[Tattimatonen]

Well this is the only place in Finland where I can realistically go to so I need to convince them somehow. I mean should I go out in female clothing in an obviously male body? I doubt the public reception would be very good.

[HorizoN]

well, there has to be something you can do.

[Inufin]

Been opening up to a few friends about this lately, Told two irl friends and they took it fine and were really supportive about it, I ended up not talking about this to my mother but she knows it is related to me being transgender now.

me: I'm bad at making decisions, at the moment, it would feel as the only right choice.. but I am afraid that I will regret it later
friend: well that means that you aren't ready yet. You have to think about it properly. You have your whole life to decide


Is it true that it is never too late to start the sex change?

[T-Sonar.0]

Inufin posted:

Been opening up to a few friends about this lately, Told two irl friends and they took it fine and were really supportive about it, I ended up not talking about this to my mother but she knows it is related to me being transgender now.

me: I'm bad at making decisions, at the moment, it would feel as the only right choice.. but I am afraid that I will regret it later
friend: well that means that you aren't ready yet. You have to think about it properly. You have your whole life to decide


Is it true that it is never too late to start the sex change?

I have those feelings of regret too. I think you're going to have them all the time. You need a therapist. And yeah, you can start any time you want but, of course, the younger you are the better.

[Riodoku]

I'm really starting to dislike the negative attitudes in this thread. Stop the self-deprecation, it's not going to help anything. You can't rely on the hormones to get you where you want to be, YOU have to take yourself there. If you're tired of people using male pronouns around you, do something about it. Wear your clothes out in public, and stop being so afraid. If you want to be seen as female, you must present yourself as female. And that has to start at some point.
Girls come in all shapes and sizes and varieties, nobody is going to suspect anything unless you're wearing lingerie in public.
If you don't have all the things you need to present yourself as a girl, improvise. Don't have fake breasts? Get a bra and stuff it with old socks. Are your hips too narrow? Roll up some boxers and put them in the sides of your pants. There are tons of things you can do to make things better, and continuing to present yourself as male is not one of them.

Tattimatonen posted:

Well this is the only place in Finland where I can realistically go to so I need to convince them somehow. I mean should I go out in female clothing in an obviously male body? I doubt the public reception would be very good.

Yes, showing them that you already live in your desired role plays hugely into convincing them.
What are the rules and regulations regarding transsexuality over in Scandinavia, anyway? I would have assumed they were pretty liberal about it, but I've heard that there's a lot of negativity towards trans-people over there.

Inufin posted:

Is it true that it is never too late to start the sex change?

The sex change is actually better if done pre-hormones. Estrogen will shrink the male genitals, and thus there is less material to work with.

[LonelyTimeLord]

Triumph Forks posted:

"be more depressed, you're not trans enough" is what i'm getting out of that

what a crock of shit. There's no right way to be a woman, a man, a transperson. Telling a client they aren't depressed enough is probably the last thing you should do as a therapist as well

I've heard people who have been told they're "not trans enough"... it's complete rubbish...

For anyone who feels like this, watch this video, it helped me a lot cos I could relate to quite a bit of it :)
http://nicholassteer.tumblr.com/post...about-myself-d

[HorizoN]

Riodoku posted:

Wear your clothes out in public

what clothes?

[Riodoku]

HorizoN posted:

what clothes?

So get some.

[HorizoN]

with what money?

[Tattimatonen]

Riodoku posted:

I'm really starting to dislike the negative attitudes in this thread. Stop the self-deprecation, it's not going to help anything. You can't rely on the hormones to get you where you want to be, YOU have to take yourself there. If you're tired of people using male pronouns around you, do something about it.

Well it's not my style to wear super-feminine clothing. I mean I wear girl's pants geez

Riodoku posted:

What are the rules and regulations regarding transsexuality over in Scandinavia, anyway? I would have assumed they were pretty liberal about it, but I've heard that there's a lot of negativity towards trans-people over there.

You actually have to be sterile to get a gender change on legal documents, which is completely silly.

Edited:

Unless the laws have recently changed, which I doubt.

[HorizoN]

awlrighty, i'm going to head to bed. good luck in figuring out a way to talk to your therapist.

[Riodoku]

Tattimatonen posted:

Well it's not my style to wear super-feminine clothing. I mean I wear girl's pants geez

There's still a lot you can do there. Just wear some more colorful shirts, add a bra and stuff it.

Tattimatonen posted:

You actually have to be sterile to get a gender change on legal documents, which is completely silly.

Edited:

Unless the laws have recently changed, which I doubt.

Well, that's kind of true everywhere. I mean, you have to have the operation in most parts of the world, and that's pretty much completely ending the ability to reproduce.

HorizoN posted:

with what money?

Jesus. Sell old possessions, do some work for neighbors, save up money you get from holidays and other events, or see if your friends can help out.

[Triumph Forks]

LonelyTimeLord posted:

I've heard people who have been told they're "not trans enough"... it's complete rubbish...

For anyone who feels like this, watch this video, it helped me a lot cos I could relate to quite a bit of it :)
http://nicholassteer.tumblr.com/post...about-myself-d

very true, I'm not overly girlish but I know who I am and what I want to do. I'll say that I'm a bit nervous about effing up my appointment, but I feel I'm not in the wrong for having gone through male conditioning, that what led me to where I am should make sense to a trained professional.

Pretty spot-on vid too

HorizoN posted:

with what money?

Holiday, Birthday, Job (I'm aware of how bad the Canadian youth unemployment rate is, but that doesn't mean you can't try) and shop thrift?

Being proactive really can be helpful

[HorizoN]

Triumph Forks posted:

Holiday, Birthday, Job (I'm aware of how bad the Canadian youth unemployment rate is, but that doesn't mean you can't try) and shop thrift?

Being proactive really can be helpful

my birthday was a few months ago back in january. christmas is a long ways off and there aren't any jobs here. besides even then i'm too uncomfortable with myself to actually handle talking to people.

Edited:

oh, i couldn't sleep by the way

[Inufin]

I just wish I could have a normal life. I'm already having enough problems and going through a sex change now would mess up everything even more. My social relationships right now aren't too good and I can't afford to people to see me as weird and potentially lose more friends. (I just lost two of my most important people for things slightly related to this so I am seriously scared, and saying "they weren't your real friends doesn't help")

I'm also really scared about using medicine, it took me 4 years for doctors to persuade me to start taking antidepressants and I admit, I clearly should have started it before. I don't even take painkillers, I just can't I'm scared that I abuse them like I did before. Just seeing my tablets on my table scares me that if I flip out I might do anything and I can't stop myself. Going through a surgery is something I wish to never experience, I am so scared of it. Modifying my body is so scary, I don't want to ruin it, I just wish I could learn to live like the way I am. Maybe this is just a stage in my life, even though it has been going on for as long as I remember. Being an artificial girl just feels wrong. I don't want to crossdress because I just feel wrong doing it knowing that I am not a real girl. Fuck, I will never be able to give birth. It's just something that makes me so sad.

I appreciate the support and information I have received, but I will have to live with this and for now I decide to keep being my androgynous self. I find it hard to make decisions and I change my mind way too often and I am really scared about anything that might go wrong and if I change my mind later I will hate myself even more than I do now.

Feel free to PM me, I love talking to you people and I know how important it is for me to receive support while I give my support to you.

I just wanted to get this out of my system, sorry.

Please don't say anything negative about this post, I feel really vulnerable right now.

[HorizoN]

we're running out of hearts!

[PhoebisnFurb]

youre all fucking sick. pathetic excuses for men, you should all be castrated and then suffer when you realize you dont want to be a woman after all. stupid twats.

[Riodoku]

Inufin posted:

I just wish I could have a normal life. I'm already having enough problems and going through a sex change now would mess up everything even more. My social relationships right now aren't too good and I can't afford to people to see me as weird and potentially lose more friends. (I just lost two of my most important people for things slightly related to this so I am seriously scared, and saying "they weren't your real friends doesn't help")

I'm also really scared about using medicine, it took me 4 years for doctors to persuade me to start taking antidepressants and I admit, I clearly should have started it before. I don't even take painkillers, I just can't I'm scared that I abuse them like I did before. Just seeing my tablets on my table scares me that if I flip out I might do anything and I can't stop myself. Going through a surgery is something I wish to never experience, I am so scared of it. Modifying my body is so scary, I don't want to ruin it, I just wish I could learn to live like the way I am. Maybe this is just a stage in my life, even though it has been going on for as long as I remember. Being an artificial girl just feels wrong. I don't want to crossdress because I just feel wrong doing it knowing that I am not a real girl. Fuck, I will never be able to give birth. It's just something that makes me so sad.

I appreciate the support and information I have received, but I will have to live with this and for now I decide to keep being my androgynous self. I find it hard to make decisions and I change my mind way too often and I am really scared about anything that might go wrong and if I change my mind later I will hate myself even more than I do now.

Feel free to PM me, I love talking to you people and I know how important it is for me to receive support while I give my support to you.

I just wanted to get this out of my system, sorry.

Please don't say anything negative about this post, I feel really vulnerable right now.

Surgery is not at all a requirement, and there's no reason for you to go through it if it's not what you want. Do you not have a therapist that you can talk these issues through with?

PhoebisnFurb posted:

youre all fucking sick. pathetic excuses for men, you should all be castrated and then suffer when you realize you dont want to be a woman after all. stupid twats.

I agree. Come, let's go away, you and I. We can be away from all of this. Be my lover.

[Inufin]

Riodoku posted:

Surgery is not at all a requirement, and there's no reason for you to go through it if it's not what you want.

What is the point of starting hormones if I don't plan to finish the sex change?

Also, received a hate mail from that guy who just got banned, it was so ridiculous that it actually made me laugh. I was going to share it but maybe I shouldn't.

[HorizoN]

Riodoku posted:

Jesus. Sell old possessions, do some work for neighbors, save up money you get from holidays and other events, or see if your friends can help out.

i hate to say this but i have almost no possessions worth a sum of money that'd be worth the effort needed to sell them off. my friends are also poor as fuck and i wouldn't even consider them friends anyway [remember that guy who called me a tranny?]

holidays are a long ways off and my birthday already passed months ago.

not to mention my neighbours are fucking assholes who drill stuff into the wall at night, have their dog bark insanely loud and call us assholes for whatever reason they can conjure up.

Edited:

i'll find money though thats for sure!