1. Post #41
    Der Führer
    Quark:'s Avatar
    January 2011
    4,018 Posts
    I can't wait for the next batch
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  2. Post #42
    Gold Member
    OogalaBoogal's Avatar
    November 2008
    4,055 Posts
    I can't wait for the next batch
    Neither can I.
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  3. Post #43
    The Disabled Kid
    Dennab
    February 2011
    4,770 Posts
    Send in the troops. We need content.

  4. Post #44
    Chezhead's Avatar
    December 2009
    7,256 Posts
    It's just not the same without hezzy
    It never would be the same, but this is better than nothing.

    Sending something in!

  5. Post #45
    I thought this might not work.

    I'm glad I was wrong.

  6. Post #46
    Gold Member
    tehfrog's Avatar
    July 2007
    3,479 Posts
    I found out a while ago I can perform autofellatio. Yeah....I've cummed and ate it as well. I was bored as fuck one winter day and I was like fuck, I wonder what it's like for those girls that take loads and eat it. So I went in my bathroom and laid on my back...and started jerking. After a few times of doing that (for whatever reason, I did it again and again in the following weeks), I for whatever fucking reason, wanted to blow myself. So I got in to position and and used my legs to push off of my sink counter and walla. It's not like I can literally blow myself, but I can get it in there..... I've been trying to stop because I feel like it's a weird thing to do and because I don't want to strain anything while being in the awkward position, but I guess, honestly, sometimes it's a nice change from the usual standard jacking off.

    Thing is, I'm actually straight. I sorta even have a dislike for gays. I'm positive I'm not in denial or any of that shit because I've NEVER had even remote attraction to guys. I fucking love pussy, not dick.
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  7. Post #47
    churboi austin
    Trogdon's Avatar
    October 2007
    12,790 Posts
    love this thread already, thanks man.

  8. Post #48
    Zambies!'s Avatar
    August 2009
    8,135 Posts
    Good job so far buddy! I might send one in.
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  9. Post #49
    Lebowski's Avatar
    December 2009
    10,152 Posts
    I think all gay highschoolers feel that way.
    I know I did.
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  10. Post #50
    Giving Away Games
    WastedJamacan's Avatar
    December 2009
    4,110 Posts
    I had a dream that I sent a confession in, and my username and all of my personal information was posted with it. Weird fucking dream.
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  11. Post #51
    Gold Member
    NO ONE's Avatar
    April 2007
    3,178 Posts
    The link to v6 links to v5.
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  12. Post #52
    This title has been removed due to a copyright claim from Viacom Inc.
    neos300's Avatar
    July 2008
    3,478 Posts
    Looks like OP forgot about us.
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  13. Post #53
    Gold Member
    OogalaBoogal's Avatar
    November 2008
    4,055 Posts
    Nah, just really busy today, I'll put a brand new set up shortly.
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  14. Post #54
    Gold Member
    Bomber9900's Avatar
    December 2008
    2,848 Posts
    my confession hasnt been posted :(
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  15. Post #55
    imasillypiggy's Avatar
    December 2009
    8,851 Posts
    my confession hasnt been posted :(
    Now I know next post will be from you.
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  16. Post #56
    Deviantart Appreciation Station's Finest
    Pvt. Martin's Avatar
    April 2009
    18,804 Posts
    my confession hasnt been posted :(
    not to sound rude, but Im not sure if that would be a good thing or not.
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  17. Post #57
    Nah, just really busy today, I'll set a brand new set up shortly.
    You're a legend.
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  18. Post #58
    Gold Member
    OogalaBoogal's Avatar
    November 2008
    4,055 Posts
    * So over the past year I was with someone. Started out great, we found we had a lot in common, became great friends, and then things just sort of happened. But things started to decline around March. He started to avoid me, often saying he was just busy with things. Of course, I went along with it, thinking he was telling the truth. I kept trying to pick myself up, but naturally that didn't work. After a few more months of me constantly freaking out*wondering*what I was doing wrong he finally told me it was because I was too depressive and antisocial. Thing is, I didn't choose any of it. I'm bipolar and I just didn't want to be around*his*friends because quite*frankly, they're assholes and idiots.*

    * And I honestly think it was one of them who made him change. He used to be really sweet and nice to me, but then he just started ignoring me like I said. Honestly, he seems like he's his friend's bitchboy now, doing whatever he tells him to do, and agreeing with everything. It makes my blood boil just thinking about it.
    Hi,

    When I was about eight, I technically had sex. *Me and my friend's sister were fooling around and we ended up kissing, removing clothes, and having (basic) sex. *(Sorry Shane.. o:)

    When I was in High School, I had a (nearly patented) secret for getting girls. *I would tell them disgusting, morally incorrect jokes to make them laugh, and then cry for laughing because of the tone I used.
    Eventually, I would win the girls over and have them in my scrap-yard (if I had a hankering I'd go check what was in the yard, if you catch my drift) and they'd always be like, "OH QUIRK, HAHAHA, LET'S BONK"
    Always worked.

    I'm originally from Dublin, Ireland but I moved when I was ~2 or so. *I still have the accent, and everyone asks me if I'm British. Every day.

    I killed a bird when I was a toddler and dissected it because my mum wouldn't let me have candy.

    In High School I used to prank handicapped kids and blame the football team and they all, slowly but surely, got kicked off the team.

    In High School, I brought a knife to school and put it in my enemy's locker to get him expelled. *Worked.
    My middle name makes people think I'm black. :(


    And finally, 7 years ago I had my friends' girlfriends totally interested in me. and all I had to do was say "GO" and she'd blow me. *Same with some other chick.

    There is a real confessional, and then there is a fake confessional.

    I've never loved anyone, nor cared for anyone. I don't want a girlfriend, I don't want any sorts of relationships. When people die, I do not care. I just move on like nothing happened, but am sad when everyone around me is feeling a collective emotion I don't feel.*Ironically, it's saddening.
    As long as you don't hate everyone, you are winning half the battle.

    Greetings fellow Facepunchers!

    So, uh, this isn't really a confession as much as it is a vent of my frustration. So if you're expecting a hideously graphic horror story of child incest (which I know you are) then sorry to disappoint you.

    Anyway, I guess I'll start by saying... I'm different. As in, there's a fuckload wrong with me. Not really in my eyes, but I'm sure in the eyes of others. I'm overweight, I'm epileptic and I have asperger syndrome to name but a few things.

    As a result of this I've become pretty insecure and almost cripplingly shy. I find it a gargantuan task to pluck up the courage to so much as say 'Hello' to someone I don't know that well. This has had a real negative impact on my ability to make friends, which is especially a problem as I've just started at a new college, where I don't know ANYONE (except for a couple of people I went to primary school with who I haven't seen in years).

    I've also never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl, which separates me from my "normal" peers even more. Kinda makes me feel left out and, like I say, different.

    So yeah, my social life kind of sucks. But other than that I have a pretty cool life so I can't complain I guess.

    Just wanted to share that. Thanks if you took the time to read it. Now back to your incest-fics, you sick fucks!
    You too!
    I love dicks but I am disgusted by the male form and therefore only like traps. (i am male)

    I've been perma'd from facepunch so many times I can't even begin to imagine.

    When I was 13 or so my female cousin (who was 12 or something) had to share a bed with me in a hotel. Needless to say we had*incestuous*sex.

    I felt up my dog's dick one time.

    I'm an in-the-closet-ponyfag

    i tell everyone i am poor so i don't need to spend my money when i go out to eat

    no one i know can know the above statements so help me god
    This might not be the right place for this, but I have a sexual confession. I'm 18, and I've never masturbated. It's not that I've forced myself not to, it's just that it's not that appealing to me. Porn, as well, isn't all that appealing either. It's like, sure, i'll watch it, but all i get is a hard on. No heavy, horny feeling like when i'm with my girlfriend. Also, my girlfriend have done everything up to sex. But we both agree, that we should not have sex until we marry, whether or not we marry each other (not whipped, I was the one that told her there would be no sex in the relationship). It doesn't have anything to do with religion, either. I just feel that whoever I marry, they are going to be someone that I love above all others, and she deserves something no one else will get, and I think my virginity is perfect for that. Of course, I'm not going to find another person like me, besides my current girlfriend, and that depresses me.
    Dude, you are lucky to have a girlfriend, you are the envy of 99% of the forum.
    Nothing terribly weird. I can't watch guy on girl porn. I don't like how whoever*handles*the camera is always like "LOOK AT HIS PENIS! LOOOOOOK! DON'T LOOK AT THE GIRL FUCK OFF!"

    So lesbian porn it is.
    Most guys imagine it being their own. Try that.
    Every time i'm at work, and a big top of people comes in to eat (maybe 15-20 people at once) i walk by their table and rip ass just to crop-dust them a little bit. I helped make the night a little less frustrating knowing that while the people are sitting and enjoying their overpriced appetizers, and expensive steaks they are just paying to sit in a cloud of my stench
    Show them who's boss!
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  19. Post #59
    Gold Member
    reedbo's Avatar
    July 2005
    2,431 Posts
    Every time i'm at work, and a big top of people comes in to eat (maybe 15-20 people at once) i walk by their table and rip ass just to crop-dust them a little bit. I helped make the night a little less frustrating knowing that while the people are sitting and enjoying their overpriced appetizers, and expensive steaks they are just paying to sit in a cloud of my stench
    I laughed so hard at this for some reason.
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  20. Post #60
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  21. Post #61
    JumJum's Avatar
    November 2010
    1,114 Posts
    I just sent one in.
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  22. Post #62
    I just sent one in.
    Sent mine in.
    Do you understand how an "anonymous" confessional is supposed to work?
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  23. Post #63
    I LOVE NAZIS
    JimmyA's Avatar
    June 2011
    4,508 Posts
    I just sent one in.
    Sent mine in.
    I'm so anonymous I tell people I sent mine in!
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  24. Post #64
    Gold Member
    DanTehMan's Avatar
    May 2008
    2,535 Posts
    I'm not sure why but I find these so... fascinating I guess would be the right word? I hope people keep sending them in!

  25. Post #65
    MRTW113's Avatar
    March 2010
    4,725 Posts
    I just sent one in.
    Sent mine in.
    He should post only your two confessions, and we'll have to guess which each of you guys did
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  26. Post #66
    Lebowski's Avatar
    December 2009
    10,152 Posts
    * So over the past year I was with someone. Started out great, we found we had a lot in common, became great friends, and then things just sort of happened. But things started to decline around March. He started to avoid me, often saying he was just busy with things. Of course, I went along with it, thinking he was telling the truth. I kept trying to pick myself up, but naturally that didn't work. After a few more months of me constantly freaking out*wondering*what I was doing wrong he finally told me it was because I was too depressive and antisocial. Thing is, I didn't choose any of it. I'm bipolar and I just didn't want to be around*his*friends because quite*frankly, they're assholes and idiots.*

    * And I honestly think it was one of them who made him change. He used to be really sweet and nice to me, but then he just started ignoring me like I said. Honestly, he seems like he's his friend's bitchboy now, doing whatever he tells him to do, and agreeing with everything. It makes my blood boil just thinking about it.
    You ever get that eerie feeling that something is about you?
    If whoever sent this in reads, this and it just so happens to be who I think it is, get the fuck on chat we need to talk.
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  27. Post #67
    JumJum's Avatar
    November 2010
    1,114 Posts
    He should post only your two confessions, and we'll have to guess which each of you guys did
    Or I could just ruin it for Amaurus by telling you guys which one is mine. :smug:

    Unless he puts up more than two, then I'm the only one that gets screwed.
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  28. Post #68
    Gold Member
    Contag's Avatar
    July 2010
    11,828 Posts
    Can't wait to read my confession!
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  29. Post #69
    geogzm2's Avatar
    May 2010
    366 Posts
    I know it isn't the same without Hezzy, but OP is coming close to the mark. Good work
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  30. Post #70
    Bordercrosser's Avatar
    May 2010
    197 Posts
    I think all gay highschoolers feel that way.
    I did, but at least you didn't go through a denial stage/self hating stage which is lucky I guess... I feel the same way about wanting a relationship and stuff but everyone keeps telling me to wait until I go to uni. Though that is more than a year left and right now I feel really lonely and shitty but in due time.
    I have been through the same things you have and I know how much better it feels to talk things out, specially with people who have been through the same stuff and know what they are talking about. So since the "Gay Pride" section on these forums no longer exist some of us gays emerged and created a site called lifepunch.net. Feel free to come here and talk to us :)

    This kind of came out as a little bit of confession from myself and trying to help. Though I am not sure if I am allowed to "promote" or whatever you would like to call it other sites, so if I am not allowed to can someone tell me and I will edit that part.
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  31. Post #71
    This title has been removed due to a copyright claim from Viacom Inc.
    neos300's Avatar
    July 2008
    3,478 Posts
    Sent one in but it wasn't posted, maybe I shouldn't use an anonymouse emailer next time.
    Not going to bother rewriting it, it was pretty long.
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  32. Post #72
    Gold Member
    OogalaBoogal's Avatar
    November 2008
    4,055 Posts
    I have a huge bag of confessions today, with 50% incest!
    I'm attracted to my sister.
    So uh, yeah. I don't know why, I just am. I guess I could go pinning my incestous urges on my cousin molesting me when I was a kid, but I think I'm just like that. I can't help trying to stare down her shirt when she bends over, or staring at her ass. Whenever I'm with her I feel the urge to hold her hand. She's basically the girl of my dreams.
    The worst part of dealing with it is knowing she'll never share those emotions. You might not know it, but it's quite aggravating living with someone you want to screw but you know won't want to screw you. Especially when she gets out of the shower and walks off to her room wearing nothing but a towel it's just fucking hnnng.
    I have a huge incest fetish.

    Sometimes I have fantasies about fucking my own sister. Sometimes I even take her underwear and jeans out of the hamper, wear them, and jack off in them. I would never actually have sex with her, but sometimes I actually feel like that I want her to give me oral, or have me perform oral on her.
    Sup Bropunch,
    So I have a twin sister and at the time of these events we were around 14. It was late in the afternoon and our parents weren't home. This afternoon it was extremely hot and the air conditioning was out and we were both covered in sweat. She was eating some watermelon our mother had sliced earlier. So I decided it was time to make my move. While she was watching television I approached her and began hugging her. She expected this from me and thought nothing of it.

    As I continued my onslaught, I did more provocative things such as caressing her small breasts. (I personally found her covered in sweat arousing and began licking her profusely.) Eventually she started resisting, so I decided to bind her. At this point she began crying and asking what I was going to do. I took her to my room and removed her clothes. I decided to explain to her that I was going to have my way with her. As she started crying, I started raping her. After a couple minutes I became slightly bored. So I decided to eat some of the leftover watermelon. My sister, still bound, asked if she could had some. Unfortunately I had finished the last bite of watermelon. However there was still some juice on my hands, so I lubed my penis with the juice and said "There's still some watermelon, on my penis". You can pretty much guess what happened there. After these events and I had untied her. She asked me if we could do it again sometime.

    What do I do Facepunch?
    I'm not answering this, Facepunch can.

    This isn’t so much a “get something off my chest” thing as a “help a friend feel confident” thing. Anyway.

    I’ve been trying to get my friend to join Facepunch for a while now. He’s a nice guy, intelligent, funny at times. His spelling sucks but he has alexia (which is like dyslexia except you aren’t born with it) so that’s why, and even then for the most part he gets whatever he’s trying to spell right.

    But the problem is, he’s a furry. That’s not so much a problem, normally, but he’s heard our (apparent) reputation of burning every furry known to man at the stake, whether they’re open about it or not. So he shits himself in fear every time I mention the idea of him going onto FP to ask something in H&S or whatever.

    I’ll link him to the Confessional when/if you post this so he can get the response. Will you please help me help him out of this fear thing?
    Okay, sure. The hate is of the foul dust that follows the furrys, not of the actual furrys. We don't burn furries at the stake, we just get really angry when people post things about being a furry, or furry pics (Except you dargon megathread). If your friend is a chill guy, he should get along just fine. Just try to avoid mistakes such as the ones that BWO Jake made(link). Most facepunchers enjoy vgcats; it's really not as bad as your friend thinks.

    This isn't really a crazy confession, just my coming of age adventures I guess. Up to until about a year and a few months ago, I was just like any average FP user. Depressed, lonely, sat around and did nothing all day. I got into the military and a lot changed for me (I'm not saying go out and join the military because there's more to it then just this) . All of this social structure bs is broken down because providing you're the same rank, no ones really any better than anyone. I got more confident around people, and as I went through training I did a lot of cool shit, especially outside of training. I was going out drinking and having a really good time just with whoever was around, like every teenager/young adult should experience. Like I said, I was the quiet kid that didn't really have too many friends and didn't really hang out with people so with all these new experiences, I felt like I was on top of the world. It all goes into the whole brotherhood thing but that's a different story.
    Fort Leonardwood, MO was where It really kicked off. I had just got out of combat training in South Carolina and we were supposed to fly straight to our seprate MOS school's (mine, FT Leonardwood), but we had an extra night "technically". One of my friends who was going to the same MOS as me was talking to some of his other buddies, and they got the idea of spending the night at St. Louis and asked me f I was in. I didn't really want to get in trouble, but I figured, "hell, you only live once" and went along. We got 2 rooms at a pretty nice hotel smack dab in the middle of St. Louis. The first thing we did was buy a bunch of beer. I was still kind of tense because I didn't really know the guys I was hanging out with besides my buddy I mentioned before, but we all know what beer does and after a few I just felt so comfortable with talking to any of them and just joking around, but anyway, after we were all pretty buzzed, we left the room and were just kind of walking around the city. Our orignial plan was we were going to find a club to go to (not really my thing, but i just went with it) Needless to say, we never made it (I don't remember why) so we ended up just chilling out and getting some food at a sports bar. After we left we were again, wondering around and ended up in a hooka bar. Half of the guys wanted to go find some girls to fuck ,and the other half of us wanted to just stay where we were at and enjoy ourselves. Our little group parted ways and was going to meet back up at the hotel at whenever. I ended up staying at the hooka bar with my friend, and this guy Brockferd. We got bored after a while and we were just talking about what our next move would be when my devil horns came out. I was a virgin at the time, and I never saw a pair of tits that weren't redered by my computer screen, and I was/am a huge pervert and I remembered one of the guys mentioning something about a strip club so I just kind of brought it up. "You guys want to go to a strip club?". They looked at me then at each other and we all smiled and shook our heads. We called a cab and hopped in. He was a pretty cool guy, and he was just bullshitting with us about strip clubs in the area. The hole cab ride my heart was beating like crazy. I was super nervous. I wasn't getting laid, but I was finally going to see some real tits. We pulled up to the club. It was about 9:30 at night by this point and pink neon lights were the only thing lighting up the club and parking lot (it was kind of tucked away) At this point my heart was beating out of my chest. Just then the cab driver realized they might only be 21 and over so my buddy Roberts went inside to check it out. Me and Brockferd sat in the cab and waited. After a few minutes, Roberts came back out and said they're olny 21 and over FFFFUUUUUUUUU- I thought in my head, but the cab driver said he's not giving up yet. He knew we were all in the millitary and wanted us to have a good time (that, and he was making a killing in our cab fare)
    A few failed club attempts and heart attacks later, we find this kind of dumpy little club which I can't remember the name to. We get out while Roberts pulls his routine of checking it out while we waited and had to talk to some sketchball in the parking lot. He comes back and says "Yeah, we can get in". "Alright, this is it" I thought, and we walked inside. We come into a dimly lit room with lights here and there, and music pounding. I look forward and see a girl with her back to me sitting at the bar completely naked, except for a tiny silver thong. We pay to get in and had to buy these dorky ass shirts because we were under 21. My buddy Roberts walks toward the stripper at the bar and she turns around. I was playing it cool and trying not to just stare blankly at her tits like I just discovered the holy grail or something but in my head I was going wild. I got hot flashes and felt a little bit light headed. She had a really nice body. smooth creamy white skin, long legs, silver sparkley thong, hour glass shaped body, nice little handful sized tits with puffy nipples, and long smooth brown hair. She BS'd with Roberts for a bit, and I just kind of chilled and took everything in... that and a had a massive boner and didn't want anyone to notice by walking around. Roberts and Brockferd disappered into the club somewhere, and I realized I was alone. The girl from the bar ended up on the stage, and I just sort of slipped into a seat at the edge. I was the only one at that particular stage, so I ended up getting all of her focus. I looked up, and she looked at me and I gave her a timid smile, which she returned with an I'm going to rock your world smile. The first thing she does, is slides down to where I'm at and spreads her legs around my chair. I can see her body super close up at this point. He says the whole "hi, I'm X, what's your name?" "Alex" I tell her. She giggles and grabs my hand, and puts it on her leg. Her skin felt even smoother than it looked. She slowly slid my had up to her tit and let be feel her up. Then she slid my hand back down and put her feet up near her head, and pulled up her thong and started rubbing her clit about a foot away from my face. The rest of the night pretty much went like that with a few lap dances thrown in. it's all a blur now.

    I've got another story for this confession but this took me forever to write, so I'll put it in another post.

    Hope you enjoy'd the read


    TL;DR: I go to a saint louis and a strip club while in military training
    Sweet, way better than my coming of age tale!


    I once had sex with a fat girl.
    It was one of the most traumatizing experiences I've had so far during my short 21 years of existence. The saying "curiosity killed the cat," rung true that horrible night, it rung hard. Even now goosebumps are crawling up my arms as I type this.

    It all started with a lackluster night. I exhausted all of my contacts and they were all either not partying or hated me too much to tell me about whatever party they were going to. When you're as awesome as me, a lot of people grow to hate you. It's all cool beans though, they're all faggots anyways. Anyways, my friend and I got so desperate to find a party that I started contacting people I hadn't talked to in a long time. High school friends.

    I went to a ghetto high school. Actual ghetto. Not the ghetto the rich white kids call their school because sometimes there's a fight, real ghetto where the school closes down because a wall collapses. Where there's no tiling on the floors, just concrete, and no paneling on the ceiling, just pipes, wires, and bats. This kind of environment molds some incredibly strange individuals. Namely, crazy Mexicans. I love crazy Mexicans, but I had distanced myself from them once college started up because bad things always happen around crazy Mexicans.

    But we needed to drink and do stupid shit, so I gave them a ring. Turns out one of them has a place in town, and they even offered to pick us up. Mexican friends are true friends, whereas white friends go "Hey man come on over, but you gotta find your own ride." The car that comes to pick us up is filled with Mexicans and the driver is a large Mexican girl. Why they all decided to ride along just to pick us up, we had no idea. As we rode to their place, my spidey sense started tingling like a motherfucker, so I turned to my friend and said "I'm going to make a mistake tonight." I didn't know what it was going to be at that point, but I knew it was going to be bad.

    Fast forward through the night, after a few games of beer pong and a couple fighting over who gets to keep the kid, everyone was pretty bombed. Fat girl was trying to give me suggestive looks from across the room. Even though I was thoroughly inebriated, they weren't working. However, curiosity started to eat away at my brain and since I was drunk, it went rampant.

    Some guys like fat girls, right?
    I mean, that means there's gotta be something good about them, right?
    Do they really give good head?
    Can it really be that bad?
    Can't hurt to try.

    It dawned on me. That was the big mistake I was going to make. I turn to my friend and say "I'm going to fuck that fat girl over there."
    "What."
    "I'm going to fuck her."
    "Why."
    "You only live once."
    "You're fucking retarded."

    I walk over to fat girl. Despite being drunk, alarms were going off. I knew this shit was going to be bad but my curiosity was getting the better of me. Knowing I was on the verge of pussying out, I didn't even bother with the small talk. "Hey, do you want to go upstairs and fuck or what?"
    She smiled like she just won a lifetime's supply of Cookie Crisp, grabs my hand with a gorrilla grip, and drags me up the stairs into the bedroom that wasn't even hers. I knew I was in big trouble when she locked the door behind me, she knew my friend was a threat and could come upstairs any time with the "Don't do it man, I love you," plead. This girl knew how to cover her bases. She also knew how to get undressed retardedly fast despite her clothes being 4 sizes too small. I think she just ate them.

    Everything in the universe was trying to stop me from doing this. The tie on my shorts was too tight and I couldn't get them off. Couldn't open the condom wrapper, couldn't get the condom on. Couldn't get situated on the bed right, couldn't see shit so finding the vagoo was impossible. Yet, I persevered.

    I wish I hadn't.



    Sex with that beast was absolutely horrific. Oh god, I'm twitching and shit right now writing this. There was nothing good about it. NOTHING. It all combined into something you'd expect from a grade A horror movie. The flapping of loose skin everywhere. The smell emanating from beneath the rolls as they gaped for air. Keep in mind that this girl wasn't even that fat, she was a big girl but not morbidly obese. Still, it was absolutely horrible. Words cannot describe the horrors I endured in that bedroom. She wasn't even good at giving head, add that to having to look down at a fat girl and maintaining a boner is impossible. I could literally hear my boner screaming for mercy as this all happened, faint voices of "KILL ME, JUST KILL ME PLEASE," rung in my ears.

    After 5 minutes, I just couldn't do it anymore. I think I was crying, can't quite remember. It was so bad my clothes knew what the fuck was going on, they jumped off the floor and onto my body, they wanted to get the fuck out of there just as bad as I did. I don't remember unlocking the door, I think I kicked it open or something. All I know is that I grabbed my friend and said "WE GOTTA GO," and despite being in the zone talking to a hot girl, the horror in my face told him everything he needed to know. We bailed out of that place so fast you'd think we just killed a man.

    We didn't think our cunning plan all the way through. The dorms were around 6-7 miles away, and we were barely able to walk. Still, there was no turning back. It was like marching the Trail of Tears. Every block or so, we'd stop and rest in someone's front yard. By the time we started nearing the dorms, the sun was coming up. We hardly spoke a word for the duration of the walk. When we finally arrived at the dorms, all sweaty and shit, I turned to my friend and said, "I'm going to be traumatized forever aren't I?"
    "Yep."
    "I'm so fucked."
    "You only live once."



    Moral of the story: fat girls are fucking gross and anyone who enjoys fucking them is gross. No exceptions. If you know someone who has a fat girlfriend or whatever, realize how horrible that man is. You cannot comprehend the horror that is fornicating with an overweight female.
    This is what I read when I woke up this morning. I couldn't stop laughing for 10 minutes.
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  33. Post #73
    Gold Member
    zerosix's Avatar
    November 2010
    4,252 Posts
    "I fucked a fat chick story"
    wat
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  34. Post #74
    Gold Member
    Used Car Salesman's Avatar
    April 2009
    8,734 Posts
    The fat chick story may be the best thing I've read on Facepunch this month.
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  35. Post #75
    rogasm
    Rolond Returns's Avatar
    May 2010
    4,762 Posts
    The fat chick story may be the best thing I've read on Facepunch this month.
    I did it once with an anorexic girl. My torso is still in bandages.
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  36. Post #76

    September 2011
    20 Posts
    just sent
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  37. Post #77
    Meow :3
    Ac!dL3ak's Avatar
    July 2005
    6,045 Posts
    just sent
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  38. Post #78
    Gold Member
    QuickSnapz's Avatar
    May 2009
    8,837 Posts
    Do any of you guys understand the term "Anonymous"
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  39. Post #79

    September 2011
    20 Posts
    i got no problems if anybody recognises mine. this account will get banned in a few hours or something though, thats my plan
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  40. Post #80
    Gold Member
    Cone's Avatar
    August 2011
    18,639 Posts
    i got no problems if anybody recognises mine. this account will get banned in a few hours or something though, thats my plan
    But why would...

    Oh god no
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