1. Post #1
    Gold Member
    CoolCorky's Avatar
    February 2009
    17,350 Posts


    Facepunch is full of foul bachelors.

    And nothing is more terrifying than realising you're going to have to cook for yourself one day.

    Well worry no more!

    I have a few recipes that can keep you alive with minimal effort. I call it Foul Bachelor Food!

    Beans On Toast

    This simple yet effective recipe is perfect for bachelors who are just starting out. The preparation really couldn't be easier. All you need is a can of baked beans (use Branston brand for best results and sauciness), 2 slices of bread, a tub of butter, and a toaster and microwave to cook it in.

    1) Put the beans in a microwaveable jug (non-metal), then put a plate over the top and put it in the microwave for 2 minutes.

    2) Put the bread in the toaster, set to your desired brown-ness (I personally go for golden brown).

    3) When the microwave beeps, remove the jug, give it a stir and put it back in for 1 minute.

    4) The toaster should go in this time. Take the slices out of the toaster and butter them. For best toast/bean distribution, cut one of the slices in half diagonally and arrange it on the plate like a face with two bread ears.

    5) After the microwave beeps again, give it a minute to cool down a bit (because that shit will be hot) then here's the easy bit: Pour those beans all over that god-damn bread.

    6) You should end up with a meal fit for a king (or at least a bachelor prince):

    (Pictured: adorned with your favourite sauce)

    7) Feeling adventurous? Why not try these alternate serving suggestions:

    - Grate some strong cheese and sprinkle it on your beans for some gooey loveliness.
    - Spread ketchup on the bread instead of butter for a zingy sensation
    - Try alternatives to bread. A particular favourite of mine is crumpets (butter liberally applied of course).


    So that's beans on toast, be sure to keep an eye on this thread for more Foul Bachelor Food, and if you have any Foul Bachelor Meals of your own, feel free to share them!
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  2. Post #2
    FalcoLombardi's Avatar
    December 2009
    8,340 Posts
    You can get this precooked pulled pork thing in stores (just microwave it) and put it on a bun. Add BBQ sauce and it's a good snack.
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  3. Post #3
    FalseLogic's Avatar
    January 2011
    729 Posts
    1. Grab a tortilla
    2. Smother in peanut butter
    3. Put some sugar (preferably brown) or powdered coffee creamer
    4. Roll into burrito
    5. Eat that shit
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  4. Post #4
    Gold Member
    Loofiloo's Avatar
    April 2006
    9,386 Posts
    A little ranch dressing can turn a bowl of ramen into a gourmet dish.
    Also thickens it a little, so it's easier to twirl and doesn't splash so much.
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  5. Post #5
    Ex-Least Respected Usergroup
    icemaz's Avatar
    June 2007
    7,037 Posts
    Beans on toast is perhaps the most noble of dishes. Sometimes when I am out of beans, Heinz spaghetti is suffice a replacement.
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  6. Post #6
    Terrible Mustache Aficionado
    Polyethylene's Avatar
    November 2010
    2,653 Posts
    Peanut butter and honey on toast with tea. It may not be dinner but it keeps me going on those study nights. :/

  7. Post #7
    entershikari's Avatar
    February 2010
    226 Posts
    or you could just cook beans with salsa thats good

  8. Post #8
    Gold Member
    Death Giver's Avatar
    November 2008
    2,800 Posts
    peanutbutter and banana sandwich
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  9. Post #9
    fpmankills's Avatar
    September 2008
    1,095 Posts
    Toast white bread until perfection.
    Put a slice of American Cheese (or sprinkle shredded cheddar/mozzarella)
    Microwave until melted.
    Sprinkle Salt (optional)


    Cheese toast bitch.
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  10. Post #10
    Gold Member
    KorJax's Avatar
    January 2007
    11,523 Posts
    I'm cheap, but I'm not this cheap and desperate.

    Worst case scenario I head down to subway or penn station for a sub for $5, no biggie

    Best case I always stock my fridge with both PBJ stuff and lunchmeat stuff (toasted, of course)

    Probably cheaper anyways, and much much better tasting

    Though I suppose if I was broke, nothing in the fridge while my car was broken down then this would be a good option

  11. Post #11
    Shoupie's Avatar
    November 2009
    2,697 Posts
    Cheese crisp. :buddy:

  12. Post #12
    GreenLeaf's Avatar
    November 2010
    3,797 Posts
    fryed egg sandwich always goes down at 14.00 when you get out of bed!
    thyme and oregano for flavour.
    melted cheese ontop for the heck of it.

    i also usually throw in some leftover meatballs or stuff as well!
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  13. Post #13
    Chief of facepunch medical staff
    Autumn's Avatar
    December 2006
    18,440 Posts
    baked potatoes!!

    cheap as anything, 8-10 mins in the microwave (i'm a jacket snob so insist on oven baking but i appreciate that takes faaaar too long) then just top with whatever you want!! baked beans, cheese, chilli, tuna... or even just plain old butter!

    pesto pasta is also a good one. pasta is as cheap as anything and a pot of pesto shouldn't set you back more than £1.50/£2.00, and you should get a good 6-8 servings from one pot!
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  14. Post #14
    ingredients: bread, nutella, cream

    put bread in toaster
    put nutella on toast
    put cream on nutella
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  15. Post #15
    Chief of facepunch medical staff
    Autumn's Avatar
    December 2006
    18,440 Posts
    what kind of cream? i can't imagine single goes down that well.

  16. Post #16
    Gold Member
    Random112358's Avatar
    May 2006
    3,060 Posts
    Cook rice.

    Put oil in frying pan.

    Add cooked rice.

    Add an egg.

    Add some tuna.

    Stir.

    Add spices (I use asian spices).

    Eat.
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  17. Post #17
    Chief of facepunch medical staff
    Autumn's Avatar
    December 2006
    18,440 Posts
    chinese five spice, best spice.

    use it all the time for stir fry, which isn't too much effort either!

    boil noodles, cook meat/prawns in wok/frying pan, add veg, add noodles, soy sauce and spices and BAM! tasty, nutritious meal in ~5 mins
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  18. Post #18
    Gold Member
    Random112358's Avatar
    May 2006
    3,060 Posts
    Cook pasta and mushrooms in boiling water.

    Cut up bacon and slowly fry it in hardly any oil (releases its own) with chopped onion and garlic.

    Add leeks to mixture when onions are transparent.

    Add pasta and mushrooms when leeks are soft.

    Add cream cheese, curry powder and lemon juice.

    Entire thing can be done in about 10 minutes and all ingredients are cheap as hell (apart from bacon, but bacon is essential to any fridge).
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  19. Post #19
    deggie's Avatar
    August 2010
    2,632 Posts
    Cook pasta.

    Cut up bacon and slowly fry it in hardly any oil (releases its own) with chopped onion and garlic.

    Add leeks to mixture when onions are transparent.

    Add pasta when leeks are soft.

    Add cream cheese, curry powder and lemon juice.

    Entire thing can be done in about 10 minutes and all ingredients are cheap as hell (apart from bacon, but bacon is essential to any fridge).
    goddamnit yes!

  20. Post #20
    Chief of facepunch medical staff
    Autumn's Avatar
    December 2006
    18,440 Posts
    you can buy little bags of "bacon bits" from places like asda/spar for <£1, which is what i tend to do, since i'm only going to be chopping it up anyway!

    same with smoked salmon actually, they do "smoked salmon trimming" bags for 87p, which is plenty sufficient given the £2/£3 you pay for packs and get 1/3rd less!
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  21. Post #21
    Gold Member
    Random112358's Avatar
    May 2006
    3,060 Posts
    goddamnit yes!
    Make it even better and add mushrooms to the pasta as it cooks and then break them into the pan when you put the pasta in. Forgot about that step.

  22. Post #22
    GreenLeaf's Avatar
    November 2010
    3,797 Posts
    you can buy little bags of "bacon bits" from places like asda/spar for <£1, which is what i tend to do, since i'm only going to be chopping it up anyway!

    same with smoked salmon actually, they do "smoked salmon trimming" bags for 87p, which is plenty sufficient given the £2/£3 you pay for packs and get 1/3rd less!
    Actually just used some of these bacon bits you speak of for my fryed egg sandwich.
    A gift from the gods i tell you!

  23. Post #23
    what kind of cream? i can't imagine single goes down that well.
    All I know is it comes in a can and you spray it like deoderant

  24. Post #24
    Chief of facepunch medical staff
    Autumn's Avatar
    December 2006
    18,440 Posts
    we call it whipped cream here in the UK

    this stuff?


  25. Post #25
    we call it whipped cream here in the UK

    this stuff?

    yeah that's the one

  26. Post #26
    Gold Member
    KorJax's Avatar
    January 2007
    11,523 Posts
    Best "Fuck it, I don't want to cook" reciepie I know that isn't super fattening and also filling:


    1. Throw some chicken strips or a boneless chicken breast in the oven with it set to 350F. I like to have it breaded (I just by a 28oz pack of breaded uncooked strips at the store for $5-7).
    2. Meanwhile, cook rice (I use a half cup, ends up filling a big bowl). 2:1 ratio of water and rice, get to a boil, lower the heat to LOW and cover. Let it sit/boil for 20 minutes, then you are done.

    It's so easy, once the rice is done the chicken will be too. You don't even need to baby sit it (just come back 20min later). Whip the rice with a fork, serve in a bowl, cut up and put in chicken.

    Then top with random spices, soy sauce and sharp cheddar. Delicious, and filling. And no effort. And probably not bad for you either.
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  27. Post #27
    Gold Member
    Loures's Avatar
    February 2009
    2,118 Posts
    I just tend to make myself pasta when there's nothing in the fridge, and sometimes I try to make homemade kebabs.

    I wish I could make some of those peanut butter sandwiches, sadly peanut butter is sold nowhere in Italy.
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  28. Post #28
    Gold Member
    Random112358's Avatar
    May 2006
    3,060 Posts
    Best fucking sandwich in the world. Make a ham, cheese and pickle sandwich. Makes sure you grate the cheese (and that it is a fucking strong cheddar). Put in oven for about 10 minutes or until the bread gets a bit toasted and cheese melts.

    Eat and be amazed.
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  29. Post #29
    GreenLeaf's Avatar
    November 2010
    3,797 Posts
    Best fucking sandwich in the world. Make a ham, cheese and pickle sandwich. Makes sure you grate the cheese (and that it is a fucking strong cheddar). Put in oven for about 10 minutes or until the bread gets a bit toasted and cheese melts.

    Eat and be amazed.
    Not sure just how well a hot pickle would fare.
    I'd rather just eat the sandwhich as it was.

  30. Post #30
    Gold Member
    Random112358's Avatar
    May 2006
    3,060 Posts
    I am talking about real pickle!

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  31. Post #31
    Gold Member
    joost1120's Avatar
    February 2008
    10,198 Posts
    Toast white bread until perfection.
    Put a slice of American Cheese (or sprinkle shredded cheddar/mozzarella)
    Microwave until melted.
    Sprinkle Salt (optional)


    Cheese toast bitch.
    What is wrong with you?!

    That is disgusting.


    Here, this one is better:

    1: Take 2 pieces of white bread.
    2: Put a slice of Gouda cheese on it.
    3: Put the 2 pieces together, so the cheese is on the inside.
    4: Get a good cooking pan.
    5: Put it in the pan and just toast it.

    Really good.
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  32. Post #32
    Gold Member
    FPSMango's Avatar
    August 2010
    2,044 Posts
    What is wrong with you?!

    That is disgusting.
    Funny thing is that I eat that for breakfast everyday.
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  33. Post #33
    I randomly change my avatar every week or so
    Chilblain's Avatar
    September 2010
    5,218 Posts
    Step 1: Make a bowl of rice. Make sure to add butter, makes it taste better.
    Step 2: Once rice finishes, get out out Tuna, Cheese and any other condiments you want to try.
    Step 3: Drain Tuna, put in rice.
    Step 4: Grate cheese and put it into the rice. You'll want to use cheeses that have a strong flavour like good ol' cheddar. Marble is also decent.
    Step 5: Add any other condiments you wish to add, I throw in some Parmesan Cheese and Steak pepper to mine.
    Step 6: Devour.

    You can also use globs of cheese and form cheesy rice balls.

  34. Post #34
    I hate US Marines
    Itsjustguy's Avatar
    July 2009
    4,145 Posts
    OP's image looks pretty gross.
    Also

    1. Get a hamburger bun if you don't have one, improvise, use 2 pieces of bread and press/glue smallest end of corner.
    2.Place your items of choice in there.I like salad, yogurt mayo, onion, tomato and pickle.
    3.KEBAB !
    4.Eat it, love it, feel it.
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  35. Post #35
    Gold Member
    jimhowl33t's Avatar
    January 2008
    5,582 Posts
    Mince onions and meat.
    Punch them together.
    Shape this dough into little balls and fry them onto a pan.

    Makeshift Swedish motherfucking meatballs.
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  36. Post #36
    Gold Member
    Canuhearme?'s Avatar
    April 2008
    16,574 Posts
    Take a tortilla and fold it in half.

    Put cheese inside the tortilla

    Put in microwave while folded for 30 seconds

    Instant quesadilla!
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  37. Post #37
    GreenLeaf's Avatar
    November 2010
    3,797 Posts
    Mince onions and meat.
    Punch them together.
    Shape this dough into little balls and fry them onto a pan.

    Makeshift Swedish motherfucking meatballs.
    no no no no!

    you gotta have the eggs and the bread crumbs and milk mixture as well! or the thing will just fall apart!
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  38. Post #38
    Gold Member
    bull04's Avatar
    July 2008
    3,300 Posts
    Peanut butter and chocolate sauce sandwich. You can also use nutella as a replacement for chocolate sauce. Shit is cash.

  39. Post #39
    Gold Member
    mustikkaftw's Avatar
    November 2008
    352 Posts
    This thread is frightening. I live by myself so I got interested in your recipes, but then after seeing your posts I got scared. Except for a few examples, most of these dishes are calory bombs. Everywhere there is frying, white bread, peanut butter, then more frying...

    Here, have an example of healthy Swedish breakfast:
    Porridge with milk and applesauce
    Knäckemacka (or hard-bread sandwich) with some healthy pålägg like cottage cheese

    Orange juice
    Sometimes you eat non-sweet cereals with milk or yoghurt instead.

    For lunch you can eat cheap spaghetti bolognese (you'll need ground meat, an onion, tomato sauce and soured cream) or some kind of a pie (for pie you only need flour, water or milk, salt and some butter plus whatever you find in your fridge - broccoli, ham, cheese, leek...)

    Great food, fast, low cholesterol.
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  40. Post #40
    Gold Member
    jimhowl33t's Avatar
    January 2008
    5,582 Posts
    no no no no!

    you gotta have the eggs and the bread crumbs and milk mixture as well! or the thing will just fall apart!
    How the hell did I forgot about it, the example below was surprisingly clear about this.

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