[Schuh]

Dear Gary,
I spent a few weeks browsing the FP-Forum and have noticed there are many complains about the RTM-Version of Rust.
I tried collecting them and to find solutions that please every user. Please read them and change Rust according to my suggestions.

Problem:
"Hackers are destroying the game. Ban them all. CheatPunch sucks."

Solution:
Remove all the hackers. Develop a software that detects all hacks that are currently available and also predicts the future to prevent hacks before they are even invented.

Problem:
"XYZ is hacking. Ban him!!"

Solution:
Make an option that makes the person who claims hack invisible to the accused hacker and vise versa. Also show a message to the accusing person "XYZ has been banned"

Problem:
"I was banned from unofficial server because I'm too good"

Solution:
Remove all unofficial servers

Problem:
"I can't play on official server because it's full of hackers"

Solution:
Remove all official servers

Problem:
"I played for 1 hour and the game is too hard" / "I played for 10000 hours and the game is too easy"

Solution:
Detect how many hours the person has played and adjust difficulty accordingly.
Fresh Player: No enemy mobs, no other players, Godmode, unlimited resources
10 hours: Normal game as it's now
1000 hours: You die immediately

Problem:
"I want Zombies back" / "I want Vampires" / "I want vehicles" / ...

Solution:
Implement all.

Problem:
"I am an elite player. Look how cool I am. Nobody likes my Videos :'("

Solution:
Admit it. You've made more than enough money. Hire people to praise elite players. Also hookers.

Problem:
"The weapons are too advanced. I like medieval weapons" / "I want more advanced weapons"

Solution:
Make more advanced weapons but change their appearance to medieval weapons, i.e. a crossbow that behaves like a gatling gun with 1000 arrows, etc.
No one will notice

Problem:
"Updates take too long. Rust has not advanced at all"

Solution:
Make empty Updates every 5 seconds. No one will notice

Problem:
"I am banned for hacking. I don't like that."

Solution:
Make servers for hackers only instead of banning them. A new challenge to see who hacks the fastest/best.

Problem:
"But I didn't hack. My brother/another hacker/a virus did it"

Solution:
They are all telling the truth. Unban them.
Alternative: If there are problems to figure out if they tell the truth, hire new employees that visit them to check for hacks.

Problem:
"My suggestions are best. I know better than FP how to make the game"

Solution:
Release the source code. Let everyone create their own Rust.

Problem:
"Provider XYZ is bad. I could do better"

Solution:
Release the server.exe

Problem:
"My Pentium 2 cannot run Rust. Waste of money"

Solution:
Remove graphics.

Problem:
"I've paid 10 dollars for this shit! I want my money back!"

Solution:
Give everybody their money back. Make Rust free of charge. Pay employees with love and air.

Don't know how nobody else could solve this...
All problems solved? Please contribute.
Garry please change Rust according to my masterplan.

Also please make this Thread sticky

[SteakStyles]

Accidentally gave ya a dumb at first, but managed to change it. Actually kinda funny, as is the thought of the chaos that would result if they actually did all this.

[Vilusia]

Even for a parody thread this is still a pretty shitty thread.

[DerTontaiLama]

Pay employees with love and air?

[Madman69]

This post made my day.

[Schuh]

Vilusia posted:

Even for a parody thread this is still a pretty shitty thread.

You must be a hacker then

[yukkerz]

Waste of my time at work.

[NeatHedgehog]

yukkerz posted:

Waste of my time at work.

I'm pretty sure all your time spent here while at work is a waste of your time at work.

I should know. I'm at work.

[JoeyBeanz]

I support implementation of this list in full.

[MrSandman70]

trolling...trolling...trolling down the river

[TheOne320]

He is probably German, since there is the saying "von Luft und Liebe leben".

[Schuh]

TheOne320 posted:

He is probably German, since there is the saying "von Luft und Liebe leben".

That is absolutely correct.

[Hoffa1337]

yukkerz posted:

Waste of my time at work.

I'm gonna tell your boss you browse rust forums instead of performing your duties as an employee.

[Schuh]

Schuh posted:

Problem:
"I am banned for hacking. I don't like that."

Solution:
Make servers for hackers only instead of banning them. A new challenge to see who hacks the fastest/best.

Vilusia posted:

Even for a parody thread this is still a pretty shitty thread.

Just wanted to brag that Titanfall implemented my Anti-Cheat-Method. Who has a shitty thread now Vilusia?

http://www.titanfall.com/news/we-hat...much-as-you-do

[Snickerdoodle]

Admittedly giggle-worthy

[VenomousBeetle]

For titanfall it woulda been nice to only let you go into non cheat servers if your hacks are off. Progressive.

[Sgt. Lumpy]

Schuh posted:

Just wanted to brag that Titanfall implemented my Anti-Cheat-Method. Who has a shitty thread now Vilusia?

http://www.titanfall.com/news/we-hat...much-as-you-do

ok thast awesome.

[Hozzie]

Schuh posted:

Problem:
"I am banned for hacking. I don't like that."

Solution:
Make servers for hackers only instead of banning them. A new challenge to see who hacks the fastest/best.

This one actually would be fun - separate servers for ppl who got banned for hacking :D

[thelionnessa]

Best thread I've read in my short tenure here.

[Iskifi]

Schuh posted:

Just wanted to brag that Titanfall implemented my Anti-Cheat-Method. Who has a shitty thread now Vilusia?

http://www.titanfall.com/news/we-hat...much-as-you-do

You are magnificent.

FP, still waiting for my Gatlingbow.

[Corvo]

remove all servers and graphics