Finally decided to take the plunge and got a small server ready, and since I merely wanted what other servers had (TP, kits, home, permaday) with the ability to ban hackers, thought it would be easy. I researched a while and determined Essentials would be the best for me as it had what i wanted pretty much from the get go, and some more too. Since it lacked a simple remove tool for players to use and no home, i tried Rust ++ and Oxide with a few plugins, including essentials. Rust++ seems stable but indeed seems limited or restricted for a newbie like myself. Oxide, was great, especially with the essentials plugin, but it started to lag the server and stopped working a couple of times, returning to a default configuration after a while, having to restart the server altogether to get it to work again for some reason.
So basically, for my needs and the most common usage, Essentials (Stand Alone?) is the best, lacking as I said a proper remove tool for all players and home, perhaps some control on resource spawn time and such tweaks and it would be perfect.
If you are having "lag" issues with Oxide, generally it's from a plugin that is misbehaving, perhaps writing to the log rapidly or trying to interact with something on a massive scale.