No some people have jobs and kids, if you are not a parent you have not a clue
Mate, just in my server today I had one guy invite and help get started his kid, brother, brother in law, mate, workmate, and boss - clearly you have it wrong if you think people with jobs and kids don't have a chance in this game.
and for the server owners
to be able to change these settings would be the best for everyone, that way everyone can get what they desire
Agree with you there, though. We've just turned off decay in our server since we now have the ability to clear whole bases (foundations and all) through new mods.
As to the topic of decay being too fast.. Yes and no. It's calibrated for the official servers, which have thousands of players on in any given 3-day period, many of whom probably play for a while, realise the community/modded servers offer a better experience, and switch... Leaving behind their structures.
For smaller servers, yes it's quite unnecessary - perhaps an auto-timer to turn it on for one day out of every 4 (or on for an hour every 4-5hrs) would be adequate, so structures would disappear after 2+ weeks instead of a few days.