[-Ben_Wolfe-]

The quasi-immortal man we known simply as The Archangel confesses, briefly, who- or what- he is.

"I have never lied to you.. yet I have never told the entire truth.

My daughter did die in a car accident, and my wife did die of leukemia. It's when that was never accurate.

There's a lot I cannot tell, but I must.

I was born in 1946. That would make me, roughly, sixty-four years old. Obviously, that doesn't appear to be the case; but it is.

I abused my life. I indulged in my greed and lusts; envious of those greater than I.

I decided to take what I thought was rightfully mine. At some point I became a part of a 'family', or mob, in 1964. From there, things only escalated.

Eventually- and I'm skipping ahead for the sake of what is really important in my tale- in 1969 I met my would -be wife. We got married on New Years of that year.
It was a beautiful celebration.

In mid-1970, my daughter, Susan, was born. She was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen in my life. I loved her more than anything. However, my other 'family' had its needs too. You couldn't simply 'walk away'.

I was never really around much- perhaps a total of three years- but that's about it. Because of my absence, my wife and I divorced in 1975. She gained custody of Susan. If only I had known then...

*sigh*

In 1979, my 'family' had business to take care of. Dirty business. Drugs. What no one had known, was that it was a set up.

The police raided the place and a shootout ensued. You may remember seeing it on the news.

During the firefight, I fled. But not after receiving a parting gift: a shot in my abdomen. Straight through.

I fled to a nearby harbor; and it was there I lay down, helpless and dying. Before I could die, though, I saw a man... appear, or emerge. He knew who I was and what I had done in the past. He said that I had "gone astray". It was then he reached out his hand offering 'redemption'.

Desperate, I took his hand, only to pass out. I thought what I saw was a hallucination and figured my wound must not have been too bad, after all. It wasn't until later that I learned what truly happened. It was there in that harbor where I died.

I came back- was brought back.

And now I act as a balance. I tip the scales of one's soul between damnation and salvation. I... review people's lives and decide where they belong. Only when these scales meet equilibrium may I earn my own salvation."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"As part of my condition, I have rules I am forced to abide by.

In 1988, Susan was struck by a drunk driver. I was there to witness it. I tried to save her, but to my heart's deepest dismay, my power cannot be used on those I love. She died in my arms that day, at the age of eighteen.

Doug, I have come to love you as both a friend and a brother. In doing so, I have blinded myself to your soul's fate. I will not give an apology because I both do not deserve it to be granted and I regret nothing. You may hate me for that, but it is so.

I tell you this, because your hour is near..."

"H-how will it happen?"

"You will be at home after enjoying your day at this diner- You have plenty of friends here. More than I could ever had hoped for. You always were keen at making friends- You will wake with a pain in your chest; but it passes soon thereafter. You go downstairs and pull a chair in front of a window to watch the sunrise. You grab your violin and play your favorite solo the best you have ever played it. When it is finished, you will let out a sigh of relief, of which the air will never return. Your heart simply... gives out. You will be seated, watching the sunrise; but not in pain or sadness, but at peace.

I don't ask for forgiveness, but I wish for you to know who- or what- I really am.

You have always been a kind person. Always helping those in need. Playing your violin on street corners, not because you need the money; but because it makes those who hear it smile. And that is all you need.

I will remember you, and all that I have loved and lost, for however long I may live.

Goodbye, my friend."

The shadows were a last minute addition. I'm still practicing, so, they may not be too good.

As for the story, I wanted to dwell more into The Archangel's personal history. So, I briefly told it here. But once again he bears the burden of out living those whom he loves most.

I feel like I have something else to say, but cannot think of it. So, Enjoy.

Hugh Baxter:
http://www.facepunch.com/threads/101...ngel?highlight=

Mourning Susan:
http://www.facepunch.com/threads/101...ngel?highlight=

Wrath:
http://www.facepunch.com/threads/101...quot?highlight=

Death of Susan:
http://www.facepunch.com/threads/929115-The-Archangel

[Dinnyforst]

I really enjoy a story.

[Fussy!]

I nearly dropped a tear reading the last parts, great writing.

[-Ben_Wolfe-]

Fussy! posted:

I nearly dropped a tear reading the last parts, great writing.

I read it once in Billy Crudup's Dr. Manhatten voice (where he reveals that the Comedian     is Silk Spectre's father    and goes on about the beauty of life) and nearly did the same.

[Fire Kracker]

so he's immortal and he knows peoples deaths :o

is he death then

[ChestyMcGee]

-Ben_Wolfe- posted:

This is the bit I looked at because I am in a screenshots forum and now I think "this could go in that thread for stuff that doesn't need a thread because it's two guys sat there with very minimal editing so it probably took about 15 minutes to make".

But hey I guess you wrote a story or something like that. I could read and critique that but then again I am not in the Creationism Corner.

So as for the minimal editing... yeah it's totally Ben_Wolfe; more terrible highlights. Nick's face looks horrible. Your over-exposure makes for nasty aliasing all over the show too. It's a shame you insist on this ugly artistic style because your posing and faceposing is generally very good.

The composition is pretty good. Nice, classic camera angle for a conversation across a table.

Speaking more specifically on the posing, Nick's posing and faceposing is great. That said, Coach's arm looks stiff; his right shoulder is too far forwards in the socket so it looks like he's straining to rest is hand on the table. This is partly because he is leaning back in his chair, and yet resting on hand on the table as if he is leaning forwards. The fingerposing on this hand is slightly off too - only the wrist and the tips of the fingers should be naturally resting on the table. Having the fingers flat against the table makes it look like he is applying force downwards, which is uncomfortable and unnatural, unless of course he was getting really pissed off with Nick... but his faceposing and the rest of his body language doesn't suggest that. As a further nitpick, the little-finger is floating a little. Again, it looks uncomfortable. The fingerposing gripping the glass, however, is excellent.

The floating coke glass is a bit of an irritant, as is the weird way the knife is resting on the plate (and also floating above the table); it's more usual to rest the knife with the blade inside the plate, not sticking into the air. It looks better and is more stable.

It's little things like this that niggle me with your pictures. If you're going to do something so perfectly simple then you might as well make an effort to get things as right as possible. Sure, if someone makes a crappy Michael Bay image with 6 hours spent editing in explosions, and a butter knife is slightly out-of-place, then maybe I'd be less likely to complain. But what you've got here is a picture attempting to convey human emotions in a natural human environment that most viewers should understand and empathise with, so tiny errors stand out. This is why drawing human anatomy is the most difficult drawing subject because, unlike drawing a giant robot, every sentient human subconsciously understands ever minute detail of the human form.

Editing-wise, there's so much more you could have done. I don't expect everyone to spend 6 hours painting in shadows or whatever (although it would have made a piece like this more realistic and atmospheric) because most viewers are only gonna look at your picture for 5 seconds and not even notice... but there is stuff you could do that wouldn't take much time and make your pictures infinitely better. I'm not speaking of things regarding editing style (like horrible overblown highlights) but simple aesthetic fixes, like spending five minutes covering up that horrible clipping with Nick's suit and the sofa, or like fixing stuff you screwed up in the posing, like floating objects.

I guess that's all I can think of right now. Decent work overall.

[-Ben_Wolfe-]

Fire Kracker posted:

so he's immortal and he knows peoples deaths :o

is he death then

In a sense, but also much more. Where Death would simply retrieve and deliver a soul to Heaven or Hell. The Archangel makes the decision. Judges them. He cannot save everyone, and cannot damn everyone. The decision must be made with the utmost scrutiny. He must review the sins against the body and the soul and the gravity of those sins. He must balance the amount of those he saves and damns to redeem himself for a lifetime of sin.

ChestyMcGee posted:

This is the bit I looked at because I am in a screenshots forum and now I think "this could go in that thread for stuff that doesn't need a thread because it's two guys sat there with very minimal editing so it probably took about 15 minutes to make".

But hey I guess you wrote a story or something like that. I could read and critique that but then again I am not in the Creationism Corner.

So as for the minimal editing... yeah it's totally Ben_Wolfe; more terrible highlights. Nick's face looks horrible. Your over-exposure makes for nasty aliasing all over the show too. It's a shame you insist on this ugly artistic style because your posing and faceposing is generally very good.

The composition is pretty good. Nice, classic camera angle for a conversation across a table.

Speaking more specifically on the posing, Nick's posing and faceposing is great. That said, Coach's arm looks stiff; his right shoulder is too far forwards in the socket so it looks like he's straining to rest is hand on the table. This is partly because he is leaning back in his chair, and yet resting on hand on the table as if he is leaning forwards. The fingerposing on this hand is slightly off too - only the wrist and the tips of the fingers should be naturally resting on the table. Having the fingers flat against the table makes it look like he is applying force downwards, which is uncomfortable and unnatural, unless of course he was getting really pissed off with Nick... but his faceposing and the rest of his body language doesn't suggest that. As a further nitpick, the little-finger is floating a little. Again, it looks uncomfortable. The fingerposing gripping the glass, however, is excellent.

The floating coke glass is a bit of an irritant, as is the weird way the knife is resting on the plate (and also floating above the table); it's more usual to rest the knife with the blade inside the plate, not sticking into the air. It looks better and is more stable.

It's little things like this that niggle me with your pictures. If you're going to do something so perfectly simple then you might as well make an effort to get things as right as possible. Sure, if someone makes a crappy Michael Bay image with 6 hours spent editing in explosions, and a butter knife is slightly out-of-place, then maybe I'd be less likely to complain. But what you've got here is a picture attempting to convey human emotions in a natural human environment that most viewers should understand and empathise with, so tiny errors stand out. This is why drawing human anatomy is the most difficult drawing subject because, unlike drawing a giant robot, every sentient human subconsciously understands ever minute detail of the human form.

Editing-wise, there's so much more you could have done. I don't expect everyone to spend 6 hours painting in shadows or whatever (although it would have made a piece like this more realistic and atmospheric) because most viewers are only gonna look at your picture for 5 seconds and not even notice... but there is stuff you could do that wouldn't take much time and make your pictures infinitely better. I'm not speaking of things regarding editing style (like horrible overblown highlights) but simple aesthetic fixes, like spending five minutes covering up that horrible clipping with Nick's suit and the sofa, or like fixing stuff you screwed up in the posing, like floating objects.

I guess that's all I can think of right now. Decent work overall.

I don't deny the little work I put into it to reflect the response I desired. I was aware it fit my norm. Given my 'style' the lighting in the spot I chose, I knew would give me the overblown highlights. Why I went through with it anyway? Laziness, most likely.

Good point about the fingers.

The floating objects... not much I can say, really.

So, I appreciate the honest criticism as usual.

[Fire Kracker]

i see...

[The_J_Hat]

I expected Garrus and Shepard talking.

Edited:

Good story.

[-Ben_Wolfe-]

One of these days I'll just mix up The Archangel and Garrus.

Garrus Mourning Susan

Archangel Sniping Collectors

[Daemonshadow]

Someone has been reading a little Piers Anthony, no?

[Crazy Knife]

they should hold starbucks cups :3

[zpiscool]

ChestyMcGee posted:

This is the bit I looked at because I am in a screenshots forum and now I think "this could go in that thread for stuff that doesn't need a thread because it's two guys sat there with very minimal editing so it probably took about 15 minutes to make".

But hey I guess you wrote a story or something like that. I could read and critique that but then again I am not in the Creationism Corner.

So as for the minimal editing... yeah it's totally Ben_Wolfe; more terrible highlights. Nick's face looks horrible. Your over-exposure makes for nasty aliasing all over the show too. It's a shame you insist on this ugly artistic style because your posing and faceposing is generally very good.

The composition is pretty good. Nice, classic camera angle for a conversation across a table.

Speaking more specifically on the posing, Nick's posing and faceposing is great. That said, Coach's arm looks stiff; his right shoulder is too far forwards in the socket so it looks like he's straining to rest is hand on the table. This is partly because he is leaning back in his chair, and yet resting on hand on the table as if he is leaning forwards. The fingerposing on this hand is slightly off too - only the wrist and the tips of the fingers should be naturally resting on the table. Having the fingers flat against the table makes it look like he is applying force downwards, which is uncomfortable and unnatural, unless of course he was getting really pissed off with Nick... but his faceposing and the rest of his body language doesn't suggest that. As a further nitpick, the little-finger is floating a little. Again, it looks uncomfortable. The fingerposing gripping the glass, however, is excellent.

The floating coke glass is a bit of an irritant, as is the weird way the knife is resting on the plate (and also floating above the table); it's more usual to rest the knife with the blade inside the plate, not sticking into the air. It looks better and is more stable.

It's little things like this that niggle me with your pictures. If you're going to do something so perfectly simple then you might as well make an effort to get things as right as possible. Sure, if someone makes a crappy Michael Bay image with 6 hours spent editing in explosions, and a butter knife is slightly out-of-place, then maybe I'd be less likely to complain. But what you've got here is a picture attempting to convey human emotions in a natural human environment that most viewers should understand and empathise with, so tiny errors stand out. This is why drawing human anatomy is the most difficult drawing subject because, unlike drawing a giant robot, every sentient human subconsciously understands ever minute detail of the human form.

Editing-wise, there's so much more you could have done. I don't expect everyone to spend 6 hours painting in shadows or whatever (although it would have made a piece like this more realistic and atmospheric) because most viewers are only gonna look at your picture for 5 seconds and not even notice... but there is stuff you could do that wouldn't take much time and make your pictures infinitely better. I'm not speaking of things regarding editing style (like horrible overblown highlights) but simple aesthetic fixes, like spending five minutes covering up that horrible clipping with Nick's suit and the sofa, or like fixing stuff you screwed up in the posing, like floating objects.

I guess that's all I can think of right now. Decent work overall.

Chesty McGee: Winner of 'Most Constructively Critical Post 2011'

I lack the editing know-how most of you guys seem to have, so I'll just say that the face posing seems pretty slick, and that the lighting on Nick's face just rubs me the wrong way, I dunno what it is about it, I just don't like it :/

[ChestyMcGee]

Meh I wish. The critique was far too specific to this one piece of work and I didn't offer enough routes of improvement.

I critique critiques now apparently.

[-Ben_Wolfe-]

Crazy Knife posted:

they should hold starbucks cups :3

Yeah, the little error about the title and the picture is that they appear to be in a diner rather than a café.

Daemonshadow posted:

Someone has been reading a little Piers Anthony, no?

Considering that I have little clue to who that is or what it is without looking it up. No. :/

[Bubz]

ChestyMcGee posted:

Meh I wish. The critique was far too specific to this one piece of work and I didn't offer enough routes of improvement.

I critique critiques now apparently.

I wonder what your type of woman are.

[ChestyMcGee]

Bubz posted:

I wonder what your type of woman are.

Stay at home wife but Catwoman by night.

[Daemonshadow]

-Ben_Wolfe- posted:

Yeah, the little error about the title and the picture is that they appear to be in a diner rather than a café.


Considering that I have little clue to who that is or what it is without looking it up. No. :/

He wrote a book called On A Pale Horse. It was about a guy who died, but had a perfect balance of good and evil in his soul, and had killed death, thus requiring him to fill the now empty office.

I guess you might have been watching Dead Like Me.

EDIT: You know, you could probably fix that floating glass everyone is griping about by just cutting it out in GIMP or something and scooting the shadow up a little bit.

[TH89]

I haven't read the whole story but based on the first few lines it could use some proofreading:

"I have never lied to you.. yet I have never told the entire truth.

My daughter did die in a car accident, and my wife did die of leukemia. It's when that was never accurate.

In the first line he says he has never lied. In the second line, he implies that he lied about when something happened. Either he lied about a date, in which case the first line is wrong, or he never specified a date, in which case the second line doesn't make sense.

It's crucial to have your story be internally consistent--mistakes like this will distract your reader from the important stuff.

Edited:

Also, if you start a new paragraph in the middle of a quote you need to add quotation marks at the beginning of the paragraph (although you don't have to close the quotes in the last paragraph)

[-Ben_Wolfe-]

TH89 posted:

I haven't read the whole story but based on the first few lines it could use some proofreading:


In the first line he says he has never lied. In the second line, he implies that he lied about when something happened. Either he lied about a date, in which case the first line is wrong, or he never specified a date, in which case the second line doesn't make sense.

It's crucial to have your story be internally consistent--mistakes like this will distract your reader from the important stuff.

Edited:

Also, if you start a new paragraph in the middle of a quote you need to add quotation marks at the beginning of the paragraph (although you don't have to close the quotes in the last paragraph)

Well, I was thinking it suggested that he never really gave specifics on what happened. Like, he would say "My daughter died when she was eighteen" but wouldn't say the date. Leaving the question of when a mystery.

Perhaps, a better way to put it would be "I have never lied to you, yet I have not been entire accurate either" or something.

I didn't really know that about quotations. I always noticed it in The Dark Tower, I thought it was strange at first, but I guess it makes sense, too.

Daemonshadow posted:

He wrote a book called On A Pale Horse. It was about a guy who died, but had a perfect balance of good and evil in his soul, and had killed death, thus requiring him to fill the now empty office.

I guess you might have been watching Dead Like Me.

EDIT: You know, you could probably fix that floating glass everyone is griping about by just cutting it out in GIMP or something and scooting the shadow up a little bit.

I have no clue what Dead Like Me is either. :/

Good point about the glass.

Thanks, all.

[TH89]

-Ben_Wolfe- posted:

Well, I was thinking it suggested that he never really gave specifics on what happened. Like, he would say "My daughter died when she was eighteen" but wouldn't say the date. Leaving the question of when a mystery.

Perhaps, a better way to put it would be "I have never lied to you, yet I have not been entire accurate either" or something.

To say something is inaccurate implies a piece of information is wrong, not that it's incomplete. You might do better with "completely forthcoming" but that doesn't sound very good either. It'd probably be better to rewrite that part.

[Angry man]

Realy nice.

[-Ben_Wolfe-]

TH89 posted:

To say something is inaccurate implies a piece of information is wrong, not that it's incomplete. You might do better with "completely forthcoming" but that doesn't sound very good either. It'd probably be better to rewrite that part.

Sounds that way. Thanks.