1. Post #1
    Huskehn's Avatar
    August 2010
    13 Posts
    I think this falls under more of a "Post Your" thread but it fits more here. Ever make any witty programming jokes in real life that no one got? I have. I'm curious to hear others'.

    Once my friend was working on something and he said "I can't operate under these conditions." So I said, "You must not be a... CONDITIONAL OPERATOR." I laughed slightly and then went home and cried myself to sleep.
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  2. Post #2
    Hearts
    Agent766's Avatar
    July 2007
    3,181 Posts
    There's 10 kinds of people in this world. Ones who understand binary and ones who don't.

    Programmers seem to lose it bit by bit.
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  3. Post #3
    Gold Member
    The Inzuki's Avatar
    August 2008
    4,593 Posts


    I always thought this was pretty funny.
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  4. Post #4
    dj0wns's Avatar
    December 2009
    809 Posts
    ive seen all of these before:(
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  5. Post #5
    Gold Member
    r4nk_'s Avatar
    April 2005
    2,023 Posts
    Visual Basic
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  6. Post #6
    dag10's Avatar
    January 2009
    1,038 Posts
    Two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, “So what’ll it be?”

    The first string says, “I think I’ll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu”

    “Please excuse my friend,” the second string says, “He isn’t null-terminated.”
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  7. Post #7
    Gold Member
    r4nk_'s Avatar
    April 2005
    2,023 Posts
    An SQL Query walks into a bar, goes up to two tables and asks "Can I join you?"

    :smug:
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  8. Post #8
    phazmatis's Avatar
    December 2009
    67 Posts
    Why do programmers get Halloween and Christmas confused?

    Because OCT 31 = DEC 25
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  9. Post #9
    Person
    geel9's Avatar
    June 2008
    5,731 Posts
    Why do programmers get Halloween and Christmas confused?

    Because OCT 31 = DEC 25
    Wat

    Edited:

    I feel stupid for not getting this
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  10. Post #10
    Whitewater's Avatar
    December 2008
    190 Posts
    Wat

    Edited:

    I feel stupid for not getting this
    31 in base 8 (OCTal) is 25 in base 10 (DECimal).
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  11. Post #11
    Gold Member
    ZeekyHBomb's Avatar
    June 2006
    3,577 Posts
    How many Prolog programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
    false.
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  12. Post #12
    Ask me about my .gif fetish
    st0rmforce's Avatar
    February 2008
    3,594 Posts
    A python programmer and a lua programmer were having lunch at a restaurant.
    At the end the waiter brought over the bill. The python programmer took one look at it and fainted.

    "Is your friend OK?" said the waiter.
    "Oh, he's alright. The bill was a bit of a shock."
    "Too much?"
    "No, badly indented."
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  13. Post #13
    Gold Member
    BackwardSpy's Avatar
    May 2008
    6,562 Posts
    Haha, these are actually pretty good
    I was expecting some really lame jokes

    Shame I can't think of anything at the moment
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  14. Post #14
    eXeC64's Avatar
    August 2010
    749 Posts
    Surprised this wasn't posted yet
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  15. Post #15
    Dragon Dildoes
    Dennab
    April 2009
    4,432 Posts
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  16. Post #16
    Gold Member
    TerabyteS's Avatar
    June 2009
    2,997 Posts
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  17. Post #17
    www.bff-hab.de
    Dennab
    February 2009
    7,832 Posts
    Why do programmers get Halloween and Christmas confused?

    Because OCT 31 = DEC 25
    This must be the best one I've ever heard!
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  18. Post #18
    Hearts
    Agent766's Avatar
    July 2007
    3,181 Posts
    I had issues with that one. It took me a while.

    Edited:

    Content:
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  19. Post #19
    Gold Member
    r4nk_'s Avatar
    April 2005
    2,023 Posts
    Arcadia
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  20. Post #20
    Official Moose of DD
    Werem00se's Avatar
    August 2010
    5,176 Posts
    How many programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?    0. It's a hardware issue   

    Edited:

    I have another one. Someone was asking why the friendly AI in Halo is just terrible. My response: "Because Bungie let their inbred cousins write the code for the AI... In VB." No one got it and I was :saddowns:
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  21. Post #21
    RyanDv3's Avatar
    May 2008
    999 Posts

    I have another one. Someone was asking why the friendly AI in Halo is just terrible. My response: "Because Bungie let their inbred cousins write the code for the AI... In VB." No one got it and I was :saddowns:
    That's quite possibly the worst joke I've ever heard.

    Edited:

    I actually feel bad to be a programmer now
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  22. Post #22
    Official Moose of DD
    Werem00se's Avatar
    August 2010
    5,176 Posts
    That's quite possibly the worst joke I've ever heard.
    As long as you approve. :smug:
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  23. Post #23
    www.bff-hab.de
    Dennab
    February 2009
    7,832 Posts
    for(;;)

    :rimshot:
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  24. Post #24
    Gold Member
    noctune9's Avatar
    April 2008
    1,515 Posts
    for(;;)

    :rimshot:
    Reminds me of this from the WAYWO a long time ago:
    #define ever ;;
    for (ever)
    {
    }
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  25. Post #25
    grlira's Avatar
    November 2009
    455 Posts
    Reminds me of this from the WAYWO a long time ago:
    #define ever ;;
    for (ever)
    {
    }
    I C what you did there.

    (oh god that's awfull)
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  26. Post #26
    Gold Member
    Jorori's Avatar
    October 2010
    10,299 Posts
    goto
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  27. Post #27
    Gold Member
    Loli's Avatar
    April 2008
    2,288 Posts
    Sex... It's basic IO
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  28. Post #28
    Gold Member
    Ortzinator's Avatar
    May 2005
    1,648 Posts
    Knock knock.

    Who's there?



    -long pause-



    Java
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  29. Post #29
    I'm Better Than You
    Handsome Matt's Avatar
    August 2008
    5,603 Posts
    Knock knock.
    I don't get it. :\
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  30. Post #30
    Gold Member
    Ortzinator's Avatar
    May 2005
    1,648 Posts
    How about now?
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  31. Post #31
    Gold Member
    ZeekyHBomb's Avatar
    June 2006
    3,577 Posts
    If I make my programs idiot-proof, someone will make a better idiot.

    Some bugs are like quantum objects: When you don't observe them, something strange happens. But the moment you investigate, everything comes out fine like you expected.
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  32. Post #32
    Gold Member
    Jallen's Avatar
    December 2007
    7,584 Posts
    // No comment.
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  33. Post #33
    Woodcutter11's Avatar
    May 2010
    466 Posts
    One in swedish: "Det var en kö programmerare och en stack"
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  34. Post #34
    zzlawlzz's Avatar
    July 2010
    1,750 Posts
    These are actually funny.
    didn't know programming jokes were funny.
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  35. Post #35
    Ask me about my .gif fetish
    st0rmforce's Avatar
    February 2008
    3,594 Posts
    Not much of a joke, more a humorous anecdote.
    I once asked a project team member how his section was doing.
    He said:
    "It's nearly done! All I have to do is test it."
    "Oh...how's testing going?"
    "I'm about to start"
    "You call that nearly done? What about when you find a load of bugs and need to take a few days to find them and fix them?"
    "Nah, I'm pretty sure it'll work. It compiles ok"

    That last line was my signature on a number of forums for months afterwards.
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  36. Post #36
    Gold Member
    TheBoff's Avatar
    September 2006
    660 Posts
    "Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law."
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  37. Post #37
    Wyzard's Avatar
    June 2008
    1,243 Posts
    Sex... It's basic IO
    Have you read "The Diamond Age" by Neal Stephenson?

    It's not the main focus of the plot, but people participating in a nanotech hive-mind have to exchange data somehow...
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  38. Post #38
    own-fucking-zone
    Within's Avatar
    April 2009
    4,016 Posts
    If I make my programs idiot-proof, someone will make a better idiot.
    Do I know you?
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  39. Post #39
    Gold Member
    BlkDucky's Avatar
    May 2008
    6,502 Posts
    One in swedish: "Det var en kö programmerare och en stack"
    "There was a queue programmer and a stack"

    Ahaha - I don't get it. I'm guessing it was just a poor translation, though...
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  40. Post #40
    Gold Member
    Xeon06's Avatar
    September 2005
    1,223 Posts
    Saying Java is good because it works on all platforms is like saying anal sex is good because it works on all genders.
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